It's late and I should really go to bed.
This is what I do when Paul is out of town… stay up too late, whine when my alarm goes off to early in the morning, and promise myself I won't stay up so late that night.
I have this blog post on my mind, but I can't find it again to be able to link to it directly. Basically, this person anonymously commented on someone else's blog post after they had announced being home with their newly adopted Haitian kids. The adoptive mom talked about what a wonderful gift it was for the kids' birth mom to make the adoption plan for them since she could not care for them/provide for them herself. The reply from the anonymous person was scathing, rude, but probably something many people wonder about as well.
The bottom line of the comment was that this person thought it was HORRIBLE that the birth mom felt that the only thing she could do for her kids was to "give them away" and how if the adoptive parents had REALLY wanted to do something kind, they would have supported the birth mom and made it possible to keep their family together, rather than to take the birth mom's only treasure away from her.
The first thing that bothers me about this is that it creates a stigma over adoptive parents, who really just want to open their hearts and homes to a child without a family. We do not go and seek out children in poor areas and offer to play Daddy Warbucks to little Orphan Annie and give their child a better life. I am sure those stories are out there in some corrupt adoption circles, but I do not know of any such situations.
The second thing that bothered me was that this person's perspective was that the adoptive parents should have provided funds for the family to be able to stay together. There are ministries that do this. Our adoption agency (Holt) will not just blindly accept a child into care if they are only seeking to relinquish their children due to financial concerns. There is a separate area of the agency that deals with charity in-country that helps keep families together.
Now, the part that really ticked me off about this cowardly anonymous commenter was that they do not have the whole story and are going off of some sound-bites of info and rushing to judgment against the family in their time of rejoicing in having their children home!
So … Mr. or Ms. Anonymous Coward, these next points are for you!
- Adoptive parents are a unique breed of people and NOT a group you want to offend en-masse. They sign up to have their families dissected, finances inspected, lives disrupted and hearts extracted for the chance to love a child not born to them. We are the Navy Seals of the parenting world, buddy… back off.
- Do you really think that birth parents just wake up one day and say, "Gee, things are looking a little sparse around here… maybe I will head on over to that Child Intake Center today"? I have never made an adoption plan for a child, but compared to the pain I know in my life – nothing could be more difficult than to take a child you have loved for months or years and selflessly say, "I love you too much to watch you die here." THAT, Mr/Ms Anonymous Coward, is the REALITY of life in much of the world. Pain like WE have never experienced. In many cases, children are cared for by relatives after their birth parents have died. Many times too, a child is simply "found" and taken to a care center. Your condescending words to adoptive parents based on your Westernized view that you can understand what transpired in a country so poor you have NO concept of their REAL WORLD… frankly, it's disgusting.
- This was not child-trafficking, these children were legally adopted. Until you go through a home study, USCIS approval, compiling a dossier of official documents, notarize and verify and authenticate everything that stands still, go through numerous court dates, file more paperwork and WAIT on signatures… you will never understand HOW legal these adoptions are. Most countries do everything in their power to verify SEVERAL times that the child is an orphan, that the parent has legally relinquished the child and that they fully understand what they are doing, as well as asking the parent to show up at the court proceeding later on to RE-VERIFY all of that same information.
- What have YOU done to help support the poor? What have YOU done for an orphan? Have you ever given one thought to the "least of these"? Or did you just find it appropriate to play Pharisee, slam someone else anonymously then run away and hide?
Ignorance is an equal-opportunity-offender.Tonight Sam was crying because kids at school are mean. One bully kid was picking on his friend/neighbor who is black. Sweet, precious Sam was crying for his friend's hurt feelings. I can't imagine what kind of hate circulates in a home to teach a 1st grader to pick on another child based on skin color. Most of the kids I know who are 6 years old still refer to children by more Crayola accurate skin tones – tan, brown, pink, etc. They are taught those things culturally.
Moron patient in the waiting room comments that we shouldn't be worried about THOSE orphans in Haiti because we need to worry about our OWN kids first. No, I didn't "accidentally" forget he is allergic to penicillin… but I may have entered that he is a woman.
I miss my babies tonight. It's morning in Ethiopia as I write this. They are probably done with breakfast and getting cleaned up and ready for their day. I imagine my baby boy being told he needs to stop playing with the ball long enough to eat breakfast! I can just picture the girls singing and playing together – singing songs and dancing! I miss you, sweet babies! Don't worry, we will be there as soon as we can!! We love you SO much!