Tuesday, February 16, 2010

AHS - Adoption High School

I have no new thoughts today... 
but I was thinking about this post I wrote back on November 10th and it felt relevant today.

Here is my (adoption related) pet peeve of the day: adoption superiority.
What is that, you may ask?
Well... basically, when we ventured out into this territory - I thought it was one big happy family. The Adoption Community. We are one in the bonds of love, and all that jazz. Ummmm.... NO. 
It's more like Adoption High School.
Remember High School? Sure you do... jocks, nerds, goths, skaters, cheerleaders, preps, richie rich, star wars freaks, etc, etc, etc.
Well... transpose those "categories" to the adoption world and you have:

There is this sort of hierarchy of adopting parents - those who have adopted multiple times or multiple children are at the top - the jocks and cheerleaders of the community.

Let me also say that I don't think EVERY person is called to adopt PERSONALLY. I think that there are family situations that would not make this possible and not every person could handle a child much less more than one. I do feel that as Christians, we are called to care for widows and orphans. Church bodies are supposed to lead the way and help those who are called - allowing them to fund-raise, helping them along, lending a hand in some way. But there is this whole segment of the adoption community - the "holier than thou's" - who think that if you can't adopt for some reason, or just don't feel called to personally adopt - that you are less of a human for it. You are somehow going against the Lord's will for your life if you do not adopt. See Ephesians 4:11-12 for clarification of the way God designed His church to function. If God places adoption on your heart, you are in SIN not to do it. If you do not feel called to adopt - - I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are called to some other purpose that is just as important to His heart. We all are. If everyone were 110% focused on adoption - who would care for the elderly in nursing homes? Who would work at the soup kitchens? Who would rake leaves for the disabled this fall? Who would drive their neighbor to the doctor's office? There are many ways that we are to be Jesus' hands and feet - we can't all be the arm or the ankle. All are equally important. (Even if you do feel like the appendix in the Body of Christ... find your purpose!)

  • God forbid I ever look down on another family because they are adopting from a country I don't feel called to.
  • I hope I never criticize anyone for adopting one child while a sibling group waits.
  • I hope I never become the "high and mighty" or the "know-it-all" who second guesses motives and choices a family is making.
  • I hope I only uplift and encourage those who feel called to this often-times-not-fun process!

Oh, and those of you with children who aren't the same color as you... if I stare a little too long at the grocery store, it's not because I am judging you, it's just my mind wandering to that place where I wonder what MY more colorful family will look like. I look because I am envious - you have completed this part of the journey. I look because I would love to hear your stories - the good, the bad and the ugly - of the process and since then. I look because I love you for what you represent to my heart. 

Our agency is HOLT. We are adopting from Ethiopia.
We love Catholic Charities of Nashville for our home study because they are wonderful people!
We are requesting siblings- - maybe up to 4! Yes, that qualifies us for the loony bin... we don't care.
Ultimately, we have to make these choices ourselves as a couple and as a family.

That may put us into a certain clique in the Adoption High School... but I would like to officially claim non-citizenship with that clique.


  1. And then there's people that adopt that are mad because you get matched before them. Heaven forbid!


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