Desiring order

It has been said that our God is not a God of chaos.
I am not sure if that exact phrase is anywhere in the Bible, but the idea is certainly woven into the text from Genesis 1:1 all the way through Revelation. God start's big and then moves small. He made the universe, the light, the dark, the earth, the water, the land, the vegetation, the fish, the land animals then man... then finally, he breathed life into man. The entire Pentateuch is filled with lists, orderly rules and repetitive commands - so that we would "get it".

Fast forward to today.
We work in a somewhat orderly world.
The sun rises, the sun sets.
The seasons change in predictable patterns.
We have routines for our days.

That having been said... there is very little order or routine in International Adoption.
It is sometimes incredibly frustrating for those of us who desire that predictable, routine, lists and rules, pattern for our lives.

Today I am praying for this document from USCIS.
I don't know why we don't have anything from them yet... no email back, no phone call, even the Congressman's office can't find out.

Today I am praying for my friend Jamey.
She has been waiting a LONG time to go pick up her little girl who will have been in care for a year this month.
She has been passed over for a court date even though she has her USCIS paperwork and could travel tomorrow.
Every time someone on our yahoo group list posts that they have a court date, its like a sucker punch to those of us waiting for the same thing and being passed over.

Today I am praying for my attitude.
Every time someone posts that they have their court date, they got their document from USCIS, or they have a new referral, etc, etc, etc... I truly WANT to be happy for them, but I see my timeline getting longer and longer. Our agency has been able to rush dossiers from their office to Ethiopia in 10 days. Mine took a month, which at the time was average. Now I wonder, are they still rushing the paperwork for those who were waiting BEFORE the rush happened or are they just rushing those new folks getting their paperwork to Ethiopia? Yes, I know that every referral is another family being formed, another child gaining a family forever.

But you know what hurts? When someone posts that their process is moving along SO FAST and therefore that is evidence that God has blessed their adoption. What does that mean for those of us who are stuck right now? Does the opposite of that statement apply? Because we are still waiting, God has NOT blessed our process? "Gee... sorry you have been waiting on USCIS... God blessed us and not you."
I know those people don't mean it like that, but for those who wait... that's what we hear.

It hurts.

Every time.

Every time someone gets a court date and I can't get in touch with the right people at USCIS... it hurts more.

Every time someone passes court on a "surprise court date"... I wonder if my date has been assigned and then delayed because they don't have my approval.

It just hurts.

Today I am praying for those who wait and feel forgotten.

We will get our babies and someday this waiting will seem like a blip on the radar of our lives.

But today... it hurts.