Somewhere deep, deep, deep inside
the corners of my heart
there is a dream.
This desire, placed there by God
- of that I am sure -
it hides there out of fear.
It whispers to me inside my thoughts
and dares to warm my heart.
It hides in the corner,
waiting for the signal...
the "all clear!"
that it is safe to come out
and show itself to the world.
But it is NOT safe.
It is NOT normal.
It is NOT rational
and it is certainly
and my tiny, persistent dream
knows this is true.
If it dared to peek out
into the light of day
out into the real world
and was seen by all...
pain and criticism would certainly follow.
So it stays hidden from view and
only comes out in the safety of quiet and solitude.
It peers around the corner to see if anyone is
watching, then joyfully dances around my heart
with its warmth and happiness and love...
and fills my mind with thoughts of
and the joy of knowing you are
living in the "sweet spot" where
God has ordained your life since before
you were born!
And I live in that ooey-gooey place,
picturing that life,
and laughing to myself.
Laughing at the insanity!
Laughing at the craziness!
surely it comes.
The dream-killing moment
when doubt creeps in
and turns off the dancing music.
Are you insane?
What is wrong with you?
It's too soon!
It's just too much!
Can't you just be happy with what you have?
What about money?
What about "things"?
And like a child caught playing
in the mud wearing her Sunday best...
my little dream goes back into hiding.
Sadly, whimpering from the
and a little more reluctant to come out again.
Our dreams don't always look the same. My relationship with Jesus tells me that my entire life is an offering... and on-going, life-long offering - for as long as He needs me.
It's not about what the world, or friends, or family or strangers on the street SAY or THINK about my family
and how it is formed or how large it is... it is about following the leading of the Lord and being the person He created ME to be. That person has changed over the years, but that tiny dream was placed there before the foundations of the Earth were laid. On that given day when the idea of ME was created, the Lord knew the path my life would take and where He would lead me.
My dream, the place where I feel that the Lord has laid out for our family...
it doesn't look "normal" by American standards.
It doesn't look "safe".
It looks quite crazy
and really weird.
Which reminds me of CS Lewis in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe:
'If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan
without their knees knocking, they're either braver than me or else just silly.'
'Then he isn't safe?' asked Lucy.
'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver. 'Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you?
Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe.
But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'