Hiding places

Somewhere deep, deep, deep inside

the corners of my heart

there is a dream.

This desire, placed there by God 

- of that I am sure - 

it hides there out of fear.

It whispers to me inside my thoughts

and dares to warm my heart.

It hides in the corner,

waiting for the signal...

the "all clear!"

that it is safe to come out

and show itself to the world.

But it is NOT safe.

It is NOT normal.

It is NOT rational

and it is certainly 

NOT popular

and my tiny, persistent dream

knows this is true.

If it dared to peek out

into the light of day

out into the real world

and was seen by all...

pain and criticism would certainly follow.

So it stays hidden from view and

only comes out in the safety of quiet and solitude.

It peers around the corner to see if anyone is

watching, then joyfully dances around my heart

with its warmth and happiness and love...

and fills my mind with thoughts of 

possibilities

and

hopes

and

fun

and the joy of knowing you are 

living in the "sweet spot" where

God has ordained your life since before

you were born!

And I live in that ooey-gooey place,

picturing that life,

and laughing to myself.

Laughing at the insanity!

Laughing at the craziness!

But then,

surely it comes.

The dream-killing moment

when doubt creeps in

and turns off the dancing music.

Are you insane?

What is wrong with you?

It's too soon!

It's just too much!

Can't you just be happy with what you have?

What about money?

What about "things"?

And like a child caught playing

in the mud wearing her Sunday best...

shamefully, woefully

my little dream goes back into hiding.

Sadly, whimpering from the

encounter...

and a little more reluctant to come out again.

Our dreams don't always look the same. My relationship with Jesus tells me that my entire life is an offering... and on-going, life-long offering - for as long as He needs me. 

It's not about what the world, or friends, or family or strangers on the street SAY or THINK about my family

and how it is formed or how large it is... it is about following the leading of the Lord and being the person He created ME to be. That person has changed over the years, but that tiny dream was placed there before the foundations of the Earth were laid. On that given day when the idea of ME was created, the Lord knew the path my life would take and where He would lead me.

My dream, the place where I feel that the Lord has laid out for our family...

it doesn't look "normal" by American standards.

It doesn't look "safe".

It looks quite crazy

and really weird.

Which reminds me of  CS Lewis in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe:

'If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan 
without their knees knocking, they're either braver than me or else just silly.'
'Then he isn't safe?' asked Lucy.
'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver. 'Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? 
Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe.
 But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'