I've been in a funk.
You don't want to read what I've been writing and not publishing.
You don't want to call me and ask how I'm doing.
I cry at commercials.
I cry over movies and photos and Bible verses.
And I got new photos this week (to cry over)!
 |
| I mean, COME ON. Look at these faces?!? Are they not just beautiful!? |
This one was fine - not too many tears - smiling faces and bright sparkly eyes!
Then I saw this one.
Clothes way too big, or way too small.
Crocs - I hate them. They are one-size-fits-most orphanage shoes.
Different day, different photo...
girls wearing the same wrong-size shorts,
our oldest in the same pants.
And stupid crocs.
I'm so tired of this process.
I know it seems "fast" to those on the outside,
and by some accounts - sure, it's been "fast".
But I met these kids.
I hugged them, kissed them, showered them and oiled their gorgeous skin.
I fed them, they fed me.
I gave them stupid gifts that were more for me than for them.
Blankets with their names embroidered on them...
because I saw where they sleep and I thought they were cold at night.
Backpacks with their names embroidered on them...
because I wanted them to keep their photo albums
inside so they can see them whenever they want.
Lined paper, pens, pencils, crayons, coloring books,
and each one of them got a little stuffed bear
that holds a photo that I took and printed while there of me with them.
I know most of their stuff was confiscated.
I know they may not have it when we return.
I know I miss them more than they miss me.
I'm glad that's the case.
I'm the mom - I'm the adult.
I can take it.
I know we will return for them.
It would rip my heart into tiny little shreds to know that
they are waiting for me in the same way.
Oh, Lord - make it soon.
And not "soon" in the Ethio-way...
soon like,
I want 12 baskets on my dining room table on Easter morning.
Soon like,
"woah - we've never seen a process move this fast before!"
And soon like our oldest who waits said...
"Mommy...Daddy... aeroplane...Etopia...America...MARCH!"
Just wanted you to know how much I have enjoyed your blog. You have a beautiful family. Like you, we are waiting to hear from the Embassy to bring our baby girl home.(This is our 2nd adoption from Ethiopia, the first was in 2010.) We were in court on Dec. 22nd. This has been the longest 8 weeks of my life. Thanks for sharing so well and honestly.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shannon. The waiting STINKS!! Have you heard if you have passports or whatnot yet?? I was so hoping to have passports this past week. That sweet oldest boy of ours was adamant that we would return in March... but that's so close to not even being possible, much less probable. I'm sure it's some kind of growth opportunity... waiting creating patience or something dumb like that... right?!? ;)
DeletePraying for your heart during this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteBrooke
www.MarvelousLoveBlog.com
Thank you, Brooke... I appreciate it.
DeleteYou have a beautiful family! I know how hard the waiting is. Today I had a really hard time with it when we woke up. We are in the middle or adoption #2 and our 6th child. Lately I have had the feeling we need to adopt from Africa next and siblings at that! My husband thinks 6 will be enough but I will show him your blog and wonderful family so he can see that 6 is nothing. I would love to go to Ethiopia or Uganda. If it happens I will have to email you. Doubt our agency would go for it. They didn't want us to have 6! Good luck and hope your waiting ends soon.
ReplyDeleteEmail whenever you are ready to talk about siblings and next time! The world doesn't want us having big families - especially not big, multi-cultural families filled with children who were fatherless, but who are now deeply, deeply loved!! The world hates it. I love it! Don't fall into their trap! :)
DeleteCan't seem to find your email if it is on here. Mine is lbevans7@q.com. Would love to chat!!! I don't get the waiting either. We started our second adoption 6 months after our first. Same Asian country, same everything. Our home study took twice as long, USCIS took twice as long, and now the other country has it just sitting on a desk and is taking twice as long. Last time the total process was one year. This time looking like 1 1/2! I just don't feel like most people really have the kids best interest at heart. It is just a job to them. So sad!
DeleteI totally get where you are at on many levels.
ReplyDelete1. We've been waiting on passports and birth certificates. I wanted to travel in March, but I'm starting to lose hope.
2. I've been expecting an update with new photos since February 8. Pretty sure I check my email approximately 542 times a day.
3. I hate Crocs with a bloody passion. I already have new shoes waiting in the closet. Here's to hoping they still fit when they get here...
4. Our youngest boy wore the same pair of bright red corduroy capri pants when we were there for court.
5. I'll be praying we can all manage this excruciating stage of the wait.
1. Waiting for this crap is unreasonable. It's paperwork. Perhaps they need more help... I volunteer.
Delete2. My updated photos were a peace offering since they SWORE they would get my malnourished middle child (youngest of the 3 boys) to gain 1lb a week after I left by feeding him a high-protein diet, special milk powder, and iron supplements. He didn't gain weight. They didn't tell me his weight which leads me to believe he actually LOST weight. But then, I'm distrusting everyone at this point.
3. My birth kids have crocs - I hate them and won't repurchase them ever. They make me sad when I look at them.
4. It makes me SO sad to see them in clothes that are the wrong size. That same malnourished son was in a 24 months jean shorts when I took him to the hospital when I was there for court. He's 8 years old. UGH.
5. Manage - yes. I'm not even praying I have peace about it... it's unreasonable for it to take this long, it's wrong, and somewhere there's a broken system in place that's keeping families apart. It's wrong and I pray I NEVER have peace about a lengthy court-to-pick-up process.
AMEN AND AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LORD you have heard our cries and you know us deeper than anyone else!!! You see and hear our needs and our desires. PLEASE LORD help this family to come TOGETHER SOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog via the agency loop when you first accepted these precious kids. We also adopted in 2010 before the two trip process and then again in 2011 and the wait for trip #2 is just so hard. We are now waiting for a referral for a baby boy and I'm already dreading leaving him. I've considered sending my husband for court so I don't have to separate, but then I'd miss seeing my baby at his baby stage (seeing as the embassy is taking so long, he'd be a whole different kid before I get back).
ReplyDeletePraying things speed up on this end.
Jessica
I dont have words to make this easier, just know you have a mom you will never meet who cant stop thinking about you and your family and praying for you. The adpotion "process" stinks. I have complained about our process a lot. I have had the gift of holding my son in my arms through our adoption wait. Because I stumbled on your blog I have a huge respect for anyone who adopts internationally. I no longer complain, I am grateful, grateful I have a boy to hold and kiss and put to bed tonight. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteFollowed a link to your blog. We haven't begun the process yet so I don't have the agony you have right now. For me it is the waiting to even begin.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I feel today. I just found your blog, but I love reading your journey. We have 4 bio. kids and are bringing home 2 from Ethiopia (7 and 14) the minute the Embassy tells us we can. This part sucks!
ReplyDelete