25 things I have learned

Things I have learned from my children:

1. Popcorn and ice cream constitute a balanced dinner.
2. Milk and Barney. Barney and Milk. Never Barney and Water.
3. Every blank wall is a potential canvas.
4. Fish are friends, not food.
5. I make an excellent tissue.
6. There is a sound barrier somewhere between the kitchen and the balcony leading to the upper level.
7. Tension baby gates are not baby proof if the baby weighs 35 lbs and knows how to climb.
8. The same child that is not hungry at 6:30am, is miraculously starving by 7am when he arrives at school and needs a cinnamon roll purchased on his lunch ‘account”.
9. School lunch accounts work like credit cards with no limit and no rewards program.
10. A baby that wakes up for the day at 5:20 will grate your nerves until nap time.
11. What fun is a clean play room?
12. I am the only one obsessively concerned with being able to walk without stepping on sharp lego corners.
13. If you lose a lego, simply take off your shoes and walk around in the dark and you are guaranteed to find it.
14. A single loaf of bread will make exactly one sandwich for each of 7 children, spare the “icky” end pieces no one will eat.
15. One small bottle of nail polish will ruin a twin sheet set, a white knit blanket, two outfits and require 20 minutes of cleaning green polish off of the skin of 3 small children.
16. There is no good hiding place for nail polish.
17. If you wait a few days, you can find where your child (who wanted to “help”) threw the diaper away.
18. The day you are in a hurry is most certainly the day you will be missing the left shoe from EVERY pair you have for your children, the day the diaper will leak and the day there will be car-seat assignment issues.
19. If you have children who are the age to go out and play with friends, and you also have more than 4 children, your house suddenly becomes the local hang out for 12 or more children at once.
20. One pack of frozen kool-aid Popsicles does not contain enough blue or red for 12 children to all get the color they want.
21. Even when you think children are busy watching Sesame Street, they may actually be dumping hand soap and sanitizer into the toilet.
22. The dog eventually refuses to eat Cheerios off of the floor.
23. You should investigate ALL silences.
24. It is vitally important to not run out of coffee.
25. The days are long, but the years are short... and no matter what irritating thing happens today... something more irritating may happen tomorrow. It’s all going to be okay, and this too shall pass... but if you don’t watch out, it will all “pass” while you aren’t looking.