Thursday, August 30, 2012

Calling the NOT called.

Shocking statement:
NOT everyone is called to adopt.

Some in the adoption-advocacy world would have you think
that every family should add to their numbers through adoption. 
I find that a dangerous statement to make.

Adoption is HARD.
It's not for everyone.
 There are situations, circumstances, dynamics
that shouldn't be messed with.

Sure, I read my bible.
I know what it says about
"defending the cause of the fatherless"
and 
"help widows and orphans in their distress".
But I can't find in my Bible the idea that 
"adopting a child makes you more Christian"
because it doesn't.

Of all the orphans in the world 
only 4% are under the age of 5 years old.

Did you know that?
I know I didn't when we first thought about adoption. 
I pictured snuggly babies in fuzzy blankets.
Apparently, that's the exception rather than the rule.

Older child adoption is HARD.
Kids come with their own sense of "right" and "wrong".
They have survived more than most Americans will ever witness, 
much less actually experience.
They are stubborn and define "strong willed child".
They can act out.
They can make you want to rip out all of the hairs on your head by the roots.
They machine gun attack you with questions when you just need a moment of quiet
to have your first cup of coffee.
They think they know EVERY thing there is to know about EVERYTHING.

You EARN their love.
They don't freely give it away.
But if you're lucky enough to earn it..
it's a beautiful thing.

Sometimes I get a glimpse of the fear and desperation 
that inhabits the hearts of my "older" children.
It reminds me that while NOT ALL are called to adopt personally,
we really need to rally around those who are.
This is not rookie stuff.
 This isn't just a pile of junk.
These are the treasures of a 6 year old boy.
These things are under his mattress. This is half of his stash.
Most of the items I gave him when we met in January of this year.
A notebook, photo albums, a pencil pouch...
a magazine from Ethiopian Airlines, a loose picture of his brother,
church papers, a bible, a gold medal from our Kidlympics.
He stores away his treasures.
He sleeps on top of this lumpy mess every night.
He keeps it safe. 
Someday he won't feel the need to save everything he has.
Someday he will feel safe enough to let some things go.
That day is not today.
It's only been 4 1/2 months.

I have a friend  who is advocating on behalf of a special pair of children.
She met them personally in Ethiopia and she's helping them get home.
They have a family who is coming for them
when many others wouldn't.
"but they are SO old!"
"wow... what about previous abuse? would it even be SAFE?"
Faith is hearing the thing you're supposed to do
and believing that the Lord who calls you wants what is best for your life
and trusting Him to lead you into the best.
Sweet brother and sister pair who have been given their heart's desire: a family coming for them.
 Nope...
not everyone could take on these two.
Not everyone should.
But if you personally feel that the Lord has blessed you
so that you can be a blessing to others
I know a family who would greatly treasure
any sort of donation to their adoption fund.
They are under a time crunch to get the money needed to continue 
their pursuit of these two sweet faces.
Here's the link if you want to help bring them home:
Help Helen & Habtamu Home!
(click then scroll down to "Helen and Haptamu found their family!")
 I'd prefer "Helen and Haptamu's family found them..." alas.

Could you donate and tell them you believe in them?
Could you toss a few dollars into their bucket and tell them it's going to be okay?
Could you tell them you'll put their names on your fridge and pray for them because you know there will be hard stuff... but you'll hold up their arms through it all?
Could you encourage them as they armor-up for the journey ahead?
I'd appreciate it.

And as for us?
Our "older kids" are learning and growing and doing some amazing stuff!
Just last night I helped our 8 year old son with his 3rd grade homework.
He's been in America for 4.5 months and he's sounding out words and learning to read!
It's amazing.
I'm humbled and blessed to get to be a small part of this.

9 comments:

  1. Love it all! Well said!

    PS - and I fixed the wording...thanks for pointing it out ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jennifer! I just feel like the goal in adoption is finding families for children... not the other way around. When we reverse it, it becomes about supply&demand... which I know was not the intent of your wording, at all. It's just a pet peeve of mine! ;)

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  2. People could also refrain from trying to make comparisons between their own children and your situation. Their children don't have abandonment issues; their children haven't grown up in an orphanage; their children haven't experienced the culture shock of relocating into a different culture surrounded by strangers. I found this particularly aggravating when pursuing an adoption within our state's foster care system; and I am already dreading encountering it again as we work toward adopting an orphan from Eastern Europe. I know it comes with the best intentions so I never said anything to the person, it just got frustrating after the 10th time hearing "Well when little Mikey..."

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  3. People could also refrain from trying to make comparisons between their own children and your situation. Their children don't have abandonment issues; their children haven't grown up in an orphanage; their children haven't experienced the culture shock of relocating into a different culture surrounded by strangers. I found this particularly aggravating when pursuing an adoption within our state's foster care system; and I am already dreading encountering it again as we work toward adopting an orphan from Eastern Europe. I know it comes with the best intentions so I never said anything to the person, it just got frustrating after the 10th time hearing "Well when little Mikey..."

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  4. Oh so so so true....thank you Chrissy...my husband and I JUST had a similar thought/conversation last night....we should all pray for/remember/defend the orphans and widows....sure, I'd love to see more people adopting OLDER and waiting children...but it HAS to be your passion and YOUR calling from God because its GAME ON 24/7! While at the same time...for those called it is so so so rewarding and fulfilling =) P.s. I keep repeating the same thing..."its only been 3 1/2 months" lol

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  5. I'm continuing to pray for you guys! We are 5.5 years and 3 years into our older sibling group adoptions and I think just within this past year has life started to resemble anything close to healthy/healed/normal everyday life for a family of 12. lol! It is hard (and in my experience personally and with many I counsel with online or by phone - tends to cycle into REALLY hard just when you think it is over). But God is so good and he will walk with you through it and by his great mercy and grace he will heal your children and help you love them. I love your passion and heart for your children and for orphans everywhere. Keep it up dear mama!

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  6. This brings such JOY to my heart. We have been praying that those two sweet children would find a family. We got to spend some special time with Helena while we were there bringing our daughters home. She asked many times for us to help find her a family. I would love to get in contact with the family and give them pictures we have.

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  7. Thank you for this. I sometimes feel a little tug towards adopting but usually feel our family cannot handle it emotionally. My parents had a foster son when I was a teen who had really challenging issues and I am scared at the thought of adopting an older child. I have a little feel for how hard it can be. I feel wimpy saying that, but it is true...I just don't think my husband and I can manage it. Perhaps when our children are older, God will open that door but it is encouraging to read what you said, that it should be a calling and not everyone is called. But as you say, we can all pray for families adopting, and we can give towards the adoption costs if the Lord so directs us. God bless you!

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  8. Dear Chrissy
    Amen! Thank you for your honesty and truthful words! It is as if you
    are reading from my heart! We are in the process of adopting again...
    a completely different adoption than our first from Ethiopia..and I
    am reminded of how "scarey" it all looks to those who don't "get it".
    I loved what you wrote about faith....etc. it reflects SO much how I feel.
    God is good to remind me to focus on what He is telling/showing me
    than to buy into what the world will discern or tell you is the "right" thing
    to do!
    Thank you for being real and speaking out for those God calls us to
    care for!
    laurie

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