Pea-soup fog

I wake up in a fog.

It's a pea-soup fog where you are only able see a few feet in front of your face.

Get up, make coffee, make breakfast...

in a fog.

Get the middles up, get the littles dressed, fix bows in hair...

in a fog.

Double-check backpacks, tie shoes, pack snacks...

in a fog.

Then they leave on the bus and it's just me and the littlest..

in that fog.

The fog is the waiting.

The fog is the total exasperation with the process,

with the powers-that-be,

and with the constantly in-flux timelines.

The fog is the strange

waiting purgatory where I answer with a smile

"We hope we get submitted this Wednesday... then it will be 4-6 weeks till we are home!"

and my brain jumps into its calendar app and and

I see that it's getting closer to the end of the school year.

Sometimes,

while I'm in this fog

I hear something that really hits me the wrong way.

It typically starts out like a joke,

or a nudge, or a well-meaning comment...

"Just wait till you have 5 more at home... then you'll..."

No matter what horrific thing they picture happening when 

our new kids get here, I guarantee it's not making me regret this decision.

What I *hear* is 

"Just wait till your father gets home, young lady!"

"Just wait till I tell the teacher!"

"Just wait till the the cops find out..."

It always sounds like something I should regret.

I know they don't mean it like that...

they say it with a wink and a smile...

but it still feels like a punishment

because of this fog.

I look around and see the empty places.

I see empty beds, 

stacks of neatly folded clothes in sizes too small for the girls who are home now,

and lots of projects we've done while waiting for them.

This fog needs to lift.

People say "enjoy this time before they come home and your whole life changes!"

and I know what they mean, and I know that I should...

but it's hard to enjoy NOT having all our kids home.

It's hard to celebrate having only 7 kids here.

It's hard to enjoy the constant reminders that we are still waiting.

For those of you who are participating and joining me in my modified "fast",

eating like my children,

and using those annoying tummy growls as a reminder of how very blessed we are

to have as much as we need and then some...

Thank you.

Thank you for your prayers,

for your words of encouragement and for your love.

It's been hard but I feel somehow closer to our waiting 5 through this.

How can you pray??

This Wednesday (in Ethiopia) is our next opportunity to be submitted to the Embassy.

Once that happens, we wait for their contact and for them to schedule an interview with 

a distant family member of our kids. Once we have that date... we can plan our trip to arrive a few days after that! We just need our file submitted (so that we can begin waiting on the Embassy instead). So, Wednesday's business day in Ethiopia begins 4pm Tuesday and ends 9am Wednesday (CST). Please pray for our file Tuesday afternoon and into the night! 

I will update when I hear anything!