Monday, March 19, 2012

Pea-soup fog

I wake up in a fog.
It's a pea-soup fog where you are only able see a few feet in front of your face.

Get up, make coffee, make breakfast...
in a fog.

Get the middles up, get the littles dressed, fix bows in hair...
in a fog.

Double-check backpacks, tie shoes, pack snacks...
in a fog.

Then they leave on the bus and it's just me and the littlest..
in that fog.

The fog is the waiting.
The fog is the total exasperation with the process,
with the powers-that-be,
and with the constantly in-flux timelines.

The fog is the strange
waiting purgatory where I answer with a smile
"We hope we get submitted this Wednesday... then it will be 4-6 weeks till we are home!"
and my brain jumps into its calendar app and and
I see that it's getting closer to the end of the school year.

while I'm in this fog
I hear something that really hits me the wrong way.
It typically starts out like a joke,
or a nudge, or a well-meaning comment...
"Just wait till you have 5 more at home... then you'll..."
No matter what horrific thing they picture happening when 
our new kids get here, I guarantee it's not making me regret this decision.
What I *hear* is 
"Just wait till your father gets home, young lady!"
"Just wait till I tell the teacher!"
"Just wait till the the cops find out..."
It always sounds like something I should regret.

I know they don't mean it like that...
they say it with a wink and a smile...
but it still feels like a punishment
because of this fog.

I look around and see the empty places.
I see empty beds, 
stacks of neatly folded clothes in sizes too small for the girls who are home now,
and lots of projects we've done while waiting for them.

This fog needs to lift.

People say "enjoy this time before they come home and your whole life changes!"
and I know what they mean, and I know that I should...
but it's hard to enjoy NOT having all our kids home.
It's hard to celebrate having only 7 kids here.
It's hard to enjoy the constant reminders that we are still waiting.

For those of you who are participating and joining me in my modified "fast",
eating like my children,
and using those annoying tummy growls as a reminder of how very blessed we are
to have as much as we need and then some...
Thank you.
Thank you for your prayers,
for your words of encouragement and for your love.
It's been hard but I feel somehow closer to our waiting 5 through this.

How can you pray??
This Wednesday (in Ethiopia) is our next opportunity to be submitted to the Embassy.
Once that happens, we wait for their contact and for them to schedule an interview with 
a distant family member of our kids. Once we have that date... we can plan our trip to arrive a few days after that! We just need our file submitted (so that we can begin waiting on the Embassy instead). So, Wednesday's business day in Ethiopia begins 4pm Tuesday and ends 9am Wednesday (CST). Please pray for our file Tuesday afternoon and into the night! 
I will update when I hear anything!


  1. Ugh. I hear you about the fog and the comments that surely come from good intentions, but sometimes they just don't sound like that. When our court date came and went so quickly, I just KNEW that we would be traveling by now. I just KNEW that the boys would be home by late March. But now we wait. And wait. And wait. I will be praying that you are submitted this week.

    1. Yeah, I just KNEW we'd be there by the very end of March. It's ridiculous that we have to sit and wait when our kids are legally ours. ARGH! Prayers for you, too!

  2. I know this fog very well. I've struggled to enjoy the moment with the children we already have, but it's so hard when one member of our family is on the other side of the planet. Delays stink! I thought we'd be long home by now. Fortunately we were finally cleared and are traveling this weekend, but the wait has been horrendous. I'm sure we'll adopt again in the future, but I need to let the memory of this empty feeling fade a bit first. I look forward to your updates and can't wait to see your family all together.

    1. Tiffany - that's exactly it. Finding joy when your family is divided is not easy!! Congrats on clearing Embassy!! That's awesome!! The memory of this fog will fade faster than you will even believe possible! I mean, look at us! We were home 9 months and already contacting agencies and asking around! ha ha! Safe travels!

  3. Absolutely joining you in prayer.


  4. Praying, friend...and finding that I relate more and more to you in this every day.

  5. I'm praying for you Chrissy. We haven't even matched yet and I'm already dreading the WAIT!!! People say things in ignorance...they have no idea how hard it really is. You do have a vast amount of friends in the adoption world that understand so know we're for you!!!


Drama-free comment zone: