An anniversary is coming

We are coming up on our one-year anniversary!
I can't believe this time last year I was obsessing over what to wear to court in Ethiopia!

One year later... it's just life with 7 kids! It's our normal!

One-year later... and my heart is still broken for children around the world with no families to call their own.
I watch our little girls climb all over their daddy, yelling "MY daddy!" "no... MY DADDY!" and I think... somewhere not far away, there are little girls wondering if they will ever have a "MY Daddy".
Our littlest baby boy LOVES to watch Daddy play softball with the guys from church. "I get big, I play game?" He wants to be just like his Daddy. And he can do that, because he has a Daddy to be like.

One year later... I can finally do bedtime for the littles in under 30 minutes! Teeth, potty, pajamas, prayers, kisses, questions, answers, more kisses, lights out, "Love you!", "Love you, too!"

One year later... a mommy and a daddy, big brothers, big sisters, fluffy dog, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends. It was all new, now it's all normal.

One year later... I think I finally know how many pancakes to make on Saturday morning!

One year later... and I'm mentally rearranging bedrooms and spaces and totally believing we have room for more kiddos.
Because I'm a Mommy.
And I know this great guy...who is a really great Daddy.
I can do a longer bedtime routine.
I have more kisses.
And I can always make more pancakes.

6 months home! Wow!

Feb. 3rd - we have been home for 6 months!

I'm not normally good with dates and remembering anniversaries (or birthdays... but that's another post),
but this one has been marked on the calendar since we got home on August 3rd!

In adoption circles the 6-month-home mark is somewhat of a landmark in that (typically) by this point you have found your "new normal". It's not a hard deadline, just one that many families look forward to and say "well, let's see how this is going once we hit 6 months". It's not a sink-or-swim, fish-or-cut bait, poop-or-get-off-the-potty deadline... just a milestone for checking in and assessing what is going on, what is better, what is worse, and what changes should or could be made.

And with that... here is our 6 month update!

The family: We are doing really well! hubby and I were just talking the other day about how "normal" everyone is together. The kids all fight... they all blame the younger kids... they play together...and they laugh together. There is no division between the kids, no "us vs. them" mentality, and everyone just seems... normal!

The parents: We still miss our old mornings together, but Paul's job takes him out of town quite often and that has at least as much to do with our lack of couple-time than the little three. We can't imagine our lives without the littles, and we are constantly amazed at how cohesive our family seems!

Food: When we first got home, the little three would eat literally anything I put in front of them. Not so much anymore. Their favorite things are fasta (pasta), cheerials (cheerio/cereal), PB&J, and anything chocolate! Tonight #5 refused rice... she used to love rice. Tonight "I don't like rice, Mommy." Uh huh. THAT didn't take long.

Sleep: I don't like to talk about it. But I will for you, bloggy friends... because I know you can handle the truth. Truth is... these children are the lightest sleepers I have EVER met. They are still going to bed at a decent hour (normally in bed by 7-7:30) but the girls wake up (on average) around 5:30am. Uh huh. In the dark, on weekends, if they stay up later or go to bed earlier... like some kind of alarm goes off inside their brains. I have never known a child to wake up in the dark, and assume it is morning. I hear it takes like 21 days for something to become a habit... we are well past that, and this waking-up-in-the-dark thing... no. It's still not a habit. I still don't like it, but I have decided that this is just who they are. I hesitate to even say it... Morning People. *shudder*

Language: It took our littles a while longer to learn English than most other single-child adoptions that I have followed. Probably because they could speak Wolaytinga to one another and had no real need to speak much English... at first anyway. Somewhere around the 4th month I realized that I was hearing more English than anything else. Around 5 months, I realized they were playing games together and speaking only English. This month, I was quizzing them on some Amharic and Wolaytinga words we learned during our transition... and they mostly didn't remember them. I am SO incredibly saddened by this! I thought it would last longer! I thought I would get a few more months of some cute little foreign-sounding words in our house! Our last hold out is that they still sing all the songs they learned in Ethiopia! I love, love, love hearing them sing in Wolaytinga! It makes my heart smile!

Hair/Skin: I gotta tell ya. If you were reading my blog before we traveled, you know I was NERVOUS about doing hair, keeping skin hydrated, and feeling very inadequate in my abilities to even de-tangle the first kids' hair... much less how to handle the mystery of my African babies' hair!! Well, I think I am doing a good job! Yes, we have bad hair days.. mostly when I have waited a day or two too long to re-style. Yes, we still have dry skin days... but in my defense, no one wants to stand still for much oiling down when its so stinking COLD in the house! The skin/hair butter I make keeps them hydrated for 24+ hours at a time, but ... sometimes I don't do it even that often. I'm a mom of 7, what can I say! I forget stuff! Overall though, I think I am doing good!

Medicals: Giardia and ringworm are (hopefully) history. We have to turn in some more "samples" to test and see how we are doing on the parasites... but I am SO hoping we are done with scooping poo into tiny vials.
Everyone has gained weight and grown a little in the 6 months... I don't have the specifics in front of me, but I know #6 has gained the most weight out of all three. She's our "healthy" girl for sure!

Other: Well, we did the bone age scans on all three to verify birth dates. Since there is no documentation to speak of in the area our children were born, their birthdays are estimates. Since we got home, we have had some questions as to whether their dates were accurate. Results were basically that #5 is right on - almost perfect birthday/bone age match. #6 was off by a few months, which puts her right around 9-10 months younger than her bigger sister. The biggest difference was our baby boy. We knew right away when we got to Ethiopia that there was NO way this child was turning 3 in a month. The more time we had together, the more toddlers I am around... the more we became convinced there was NO way this child was three years old. Turns out, we were right. His bone scan puts him at just turning TWO in October -  not three in August. That's a big difference! So, yes... we are going to legally change his birthday. We still have to pick a date in early October/late September.

What's next??
Well... we have to re-adopt in our state... then the adoption part of our journey is done!
I gotta say, a couple of years ago I never would have imagined that we would be sitting here today - finishing up our last post-placement visit, feeling so "normal"!

Of course we have our days... of course we have our bad moments...
but, I love my sweet family and I am so happy that God allows me to be
Mommy/Mom/Momma to all seven of them!

(and along with forgetting to oil up the babies frequently, I still don't have a new family photo to share!! I was hoping to stick it right here... so just use your imaginations and I will try to get one soon!)

Their first Christmas!

Christmas was

wonderful!

I may have had a slight

teary mini-breakdown on the 23rd

just thinking about how grateful I am that

THIS YEAR

my babies are

HOME.

THIS YEAR

we aren't begging some

committee somewhere on the west coast

to allow us to be their parents.

We ARE the parents.

THIS year

we weren't 

looking at grainy photos

with sad eyes

and sickly bodies.

THIS year 

we had squeals of delight,

laughter that brought tears,

and overwhelming

gratitude.

Sure...

we had our bouts of

"oh my gosh they are

SO overwhelmed

and

SO tired

and 

SO needing a nap!"

but mostly

it was lots of fun!

Hearing #6 walking around

the house all day on Christmas

repeating

"Happy Birthday Baby Jesus! 

Happy Birthday, baby Jesus!"

like the last line of the traditional birthday song...

just too sweet.

Baby Boy 

terrified of the tennis-ball-sized

toy chipmunk

that squeaks

and races across the wood floors...

but thinks flying down

the toy roller coaster

is lots of fun!

Go figure.

And #5,

who thought she 

was going to get to 

"hold baby Jesus"

on Christmas

since it was His birthday

after all!

And the bigger four...

they were very sweet too.

They enjoyed helping the littles

decide what to open next,

putting their toys together,

and teaching them how to play with them.

Learning to use a Sit-N-Spin is a big skill, you know!

We had a VERY Merry Christmas!

Do you see my baby boy??

oh THERE he is! Under all that packing paper his sister is throwing on top of him!

Why can't I have a pink tricycle?

Extreme coastering. Take one.

Feeding the crowd

When I write my "how to survive your first year of adoption" book (ha ha...)

there will be at least one chapter dedicated to meal times.

I wrote yesterday about "self-care" and on that list 

was the need to plan meals

so that I don't self-destruct.

The problem with "meals" at our house is that

my littles eat like Hobbits.

How do I mean?

Well...

"Hobbits eat at least seven meals known as breakfast, 

second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, 

afternoon tea, dinner and supper."

Yep. Sounds like my children!

Breakfast - the meal eaten around 6am when I am getting the big 2 off to school.

Their bus comes at 6:40, so I have to prepare something FAST, 

and normally warm since it's dark and like 20 degrees outside at that time of "day".

Second Breakfast - the meal eaten around 7:30 when 

I am getting the middle 2 off to school.

Their bus comes at 8. This is a little more 

flexible and cereal is a common request.

Elevenses - Some sort of snack... which is actually not at 11, but more like 10.

Luncheon - Yeah... lunch. Around 11-11:30, depending on how soon

I can get my act together.

This usually leftovers from the night before, 

PB&J or something fast if they are cranky 

and need to go to bed ASAP.

 - - - Nap Time!! - - -

Afternoon Tea - Snack once they wake up from naps.

Dinner - The snack they think they should also get when 

the kids get home from school and are eating a snack.

Supper - Our ACTUAL dinner.

As you can imagine, it's difficult to plan meals, grocery lists, and budget on this type of schedule.

I like to keep lots of fruit in the house for those in-between meals/snacks, but that's not always possible without many, many trips to the store during the week. 

So for other Hobbit Mommies out there...

here are some of my meal/snack go-to items.

Breakfast/Second-Breakfast:

Other than cereal (which is normally the generic brand of O-shaped stuff),

we do scrambled eggs and cheese on flour tortillas (good on the run),

Egg sandwiches,

and sometimes a slice of apple with cinnamon-sugar 

rolled up in a crescent roll and baked.

These are our less-messy choices for school days.

Snacks before lunch and after nap:

You know those cute little bathroom cups 

that only hold about 2 oz of liquid?

Well they are my portion-control for snack time.

I fill them with O-cereal, pretzel sticks, a few animal crackers,

or whatever small snack food I have on hand.

Lunch:

As I said, a lot of days this is leftovers.

Some days, we need nap-time to come quickly...

and on those days I throw together a sandwich or tortilla roll 

and a small piece of fruit - 

sliced apples, orange slices, grapes, or half a banana.

Dinner:

Confession... I HATE dinner.

I hate cooking dinner when Paul is out of town.

I hate cleaning up after dinner and I would prefer to feed 

everyone ice cream and just be done with it.

However... I realize they need to eat an actual meal...

so I cook simple food for dinner.

Sometimes its convenient food like pizza, 

corn dogs (don't judge me), 

or nuggets...

other days its something requiring more effort 

than opening a bag from the freezer.

Some of my go-to dinner solutions are

Baked pasta (like ziti - but made with whatever I have on hand)

Roasted chicken with rice and vegetables

Tacos

Fajitas

Mexican "lasagna"

and

Fried Rice

 I should add the little note that

I can't eat gluten.

Gluten is in most of those dinner items...

which means I make something for me.

I am easier to please.

I grab a bunch of lettuce, 

some lunch meat, some cheese and whatever

and dip it in homemade honey mustard.

Sometimes I eat the same leftovers I had for lunch.

Sometimes I have cereal.

Sometimes I have gluten-free oatmeal.

Whatever...

I don't really care.

BUT...

when Paul is home...

he cooks wonderful, magical things!

The other night he made fish tacos and beef tacos

 and Mexican rice! Yummmm!

He makes delicious soups in massive quantities so I have

plenty of leftovers for the week, which is super helpful!

So... there you have it.

A glimpse into our meal-time "routine"!

Any other tips you have are very welcome!!

Triggers

Trigger - 

(N) An event that sets off a series of thoughts, feelings, 

emotions or sometimes physical reactions 

based solely on a memory. 

(Dictionary according to Chrissy)

Before we adopted our three kiddos,

I had my own set of triggers.

It might be a smell,

a sound,

a phrase,

a tone of voice...

but there are things that "set me off".

And not in a good way.

I have a friend, Lisa, who knows a lot about "triggers" too.

If I am having a bad day, I can call her and say...

"There was this 'trigger'..."

and she understands.

Her advice?

Since she's one of the most Jesus-loving women I know...

she says "trap the crap".

(Which is a reference to the verse 

"take every thought captive" 2 Cor. 10:5)

I love my friend and her way of saying things

so that they stick in my head.

I sometimes need reminders to trap the crap...

especially when I have let the trigger take hold

of my entire brain and send me head-first

into a hurricane of emotion.

My problem is this:

my three littles can't identify their own triggers

and they can't communicate them to me

and I can't help head them off

because I don't know where they are hiding.

This morning it was raining outside.

Was that the trigger?

It was dark when 5 and 7 woke up.

#6 slept in until 6:05am.

Was the darkness the trigger?

Whatever it was...

wherever it was hiding...

Baby Boy had a big food meltdown this morning.

I know my babies know what it is to be "starving".

I don't allow that word anymore out of the mouths of my first four.

I guarantee they don't know "starving" like the littles know "starving".

The first four barely allow their tummies to growl... much less...starving.

Maybe he felt a little hungry and the hunger itself was a trigger.

Crying hysterically, 

Big huge tears,

Clinging to my legs,

BEGGING for milk, water, food of any kind...
it was PANIC.
I saw PANIC in his eyes.

Horrible.

It was horrible.

And it took me a minute to remember his past.

To remember that he knows starvation.

To remember that he knows the feeling of being hungry

and not getting food.

He knows drinking unclean water.

He knows...

WAY more than a baby boy should know.

So once I saw what was going on...

and identified the source of the problem...

He got a bottle of milk,

with a little extra cream,

a handful of cereal on his tray

while I made his favorite...

pancakes with apple butter.

And he ate several.

And we hit the "reset" button

on this trigger.

3 Months Home

Today marks 3 months since we arrived back at home with the littles!


In a lot of ways it seems like much longer than that, but then again... like it was yesterday.


Don't read into that more than what it means... it just seems like some things are progressing rapidly, others aren't! That's just the way it is with children, not just adopted kiddos!


So, our daily routine from 10-weeks home hasn't really deviated too much... there are some minor changes.


One thing I had HOPED would change... our 6am wake-up call... has not changed.
It's pitch-dark in that bedroom when the girls wake up right at 6am like clockwork.
I don't need room-darkening curtains,
I use music in the background all night,
they go to bed at 7 - but we have tried all times between 7 and 9 to get them to sleep later... nothing has worked.
They don't have enough words yet to understand the clock situation and I have convinced them at 7pm that it's dark outside (see? dark! No outside light on!) and that we all sleep when it's dark.
We don't wake up or get out of bed until the "outside light" comes on.
No dice.
I even go in there some mornings and say "still sleep time" and get them to lay back down.
That doesn't work either.
I think Jesus must think this is funny because you have never met a more anti-morning-person than me.
I function on auto-pilot pretty well getting the big kids off to middle school Monday thru Friday, but until I have two cups of coffee in me,
I don't want to hear the Barney song,
I don't want to wipe hineys,
 I don't want to put sippy cups together,
 I don't want to hear screaming or fighting over a toy and
I CERTAINLY don't want to hear the chorus of electronic toys playing different songs.
Give me till 7am and the whole world is a more sunshiney, happy place to be.
The littles don't care about that.
I am SERIOUSLY WORRIED about what will happen the day we "fall back".
Oh my word. I think I will just cry if they begin waking up at 5am.
Enough about that...


Previously, I had a routine of leaving the house by 9am if we were running any errands. Now...
I just try really hard not to run any errands. The shock-and-awe factor we were previously exploiting which caused everyone to behave super well at any new location has now worn off and they are all about going to the "cookie store" (any one of several local grocery stores which offer free cookies to kids).
If I DO need to go anywhere, this is still the best time, however - if I can make it out the door right after the middle two get on the bus at 8am - its a much better arrangement.


Lunch - we do lunch earlier now. 10:45-11 seems to work well. Why so early? Well... the sooner they eat lunch, the sooner we can start getting ready for naps, which - since they have been up since the butt-crack of dawn wake up kinda early, seems to need to take place around 11:15-11:30am.


Nap - Baby Boy is getting a bottle at nap and bedtime.  And, NO... I don't want to hear about bottles and kids and teeth and whatnot. You come get three kids to bed at the same time, one with serious fear of being abandoned, and we will talk. He finishes the bottle before he falls asleep, usually in about 5 minutes, which gives me time to get the girls into bed, tucked in, prayered up, and back into his room. I then take the aforementioned bottle away, say "night night!" and leave. This works 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time I wind up sitting on the end of his bed waiting for him to fall asleep because he is scared of me leaving. That makes me sad.


Nap time gives me a chance to catch up on whatever. Some days I bake, start dinner, read blogs, return emails, call a friend, clean the kitchen, or a rare treat - watch some movie I want to watch without interruption!


Around 2pm they start waking up. Around 3pm the bigger kids get off of the bus and at 4, everyone is home.
Most days we play outside after naps and once 4:30 or 5 rolls around I try to sneak inside leaving the bigger kids out with the littles for a few minutes so I can throw dinner together (if I have not already started it during nap time).


Dinner is normally at 6, but we are moving this a bit earlier so they can get up to bed around 6:30 instead of 7.
From several weeks ago, this still stands: dinner time. 800 reminders to sit on your bottom, 300 reminders to "eat", 290 reminders to chew with your mouth closed, and 287 reminders to use your fork. 


Bed time. Me and the three go upstairs, potty, brush teeth, do lotion, wipe some kind of hydrating cream through their hair, get pajamas on, tuck the girls in, put baby boy in bed as previously described, and hope everyone stays put. 


All in all... things appear mostly the same as they did right around a month ago. 
I think we may be progressing slowly towards being able to communicate more effectively.


How am I? 
Well, I think my biggest downfall is always second guessing myself.
The difference between parenting birth children and parenting adopted children is HUGE.
Not just in the lack of time you have had with them, but in the understanding of their past experiences and how that plays into their daily lives and your daily life with respect to how you respond to them - in positive situations AND in negative ones. 
We have had several snafu's in our parenting strides with these three. 
We can all be having fun when suddenly some "trigger" pops up and one of the three dissolves in a puddle of tears. I have had well-meaning friends and family members tell me how they would parent them if they were in our situation... but you know what? You didn't read a bunch of books on attachment parenting with internationally adopted children. You don't know all the facts about their past. You don't see the wheels turning when some "trigger" pops up and threatens to ruin the moment. I know what I would have done with my first four in any given situation. But take EVERY SINGLE PARENTING TRICK you THOUGHT you knew about raising your birth children... and throw it out the window... and THEN you have an inkling of how it is to deal with 3 children who have had immense trauma in their little lives and need discipline for some infraction. 


Then there's the whole "is this an adoption issue or a pre-schooler issue?" thing that I weigh 40 kazillion times a day. That's a whole other post.


So... to review...
basically no changes except for fine-tuning our daily routines, and it seems everyone is getting more comfortable in their surroundings!


So... if you made it this far...
Congratulations!
Here's a funny-of-the-day from #5 this morning as your reading reward!
I went in the bathroom to assist in the post-potty clean up and she says:
"Mommy...No eat caca."
Me: "VERY true. We don't eat caca."


I believe this may become our new motto.
(Clarification point in case my social worker is reading this... No one has EVER EATEN caca around here.)

An October in photos

Hello blog reading friends!

No, I didn't take any Halloween photos last night.

Bad mom award.

The little three didn't dress up or go out  begging for candy at strangers houses  Trick-or-Treating since they are typically really afraid of any type of costume or stuff designed to scare them. The bigger four went out with Dad (1 was a Titans football player, 2 was a baby, 3 was a fairy and 4 was Mario- from Super Mario Brothers). 

I do, however, have OTHER October photos 

proving that we made it out of the house 

on more than one occasion! 

Woo hoo! Yay us!

So... here goes!

We played with chalk!

 We even got some on the sidewalk!

 #5 thinks she's funny leaving chalky hand prints everywhere!

 We tried our hardest to get pictures of #2... who HATES having her photo taken!

 See??

 We learned to swing!

 See?!!

 Even the little guy! (Who isn't always THIS dirty...)

 But he IS normally this happy!

 We learned that the slide is not the root of all evil!

We sometimes wore shoes.

We were given some GORGEOUS dresses for the girls!

They love them!

 We sat on daddy's lap and snuggled in the gorgeous fall weather!

 We LOVE this guy!

 We were often SHOCKED by what we saw!!

 We were not super excited about THIS swing.

 Some of us less excited than others.

 These swings were better.

The cheesy smile #5 learned to do, was not.

 We met our friend, Yishak, at the park to play!

We were at the care center at the same time and love to see him!

The girls say "Mommy! Yishak so CUUUUUTE!"

 Some of us got BRAVE.

Others.... not so much.

We got this cool new wagon! We love it!

 We went to a pumpkin patch!

 Deceptively innocent looking, isn't she?? ;)

 Awww.....

Big sunflower was a fun toy! 

 #6 - She was so happy about her pumpkin!

 I think #5 was wondering what it was for.

 We did heed this warning.

 But there was no such notice posted on the big trailer.

 75% of the boys in our family:

And the missing boy...#1... playing with the littlest! 

Pushing him in the swings... 

which he THOUGHT would be fun. 

 #4 - who I never have to BEG for a photo!

Isn't he adorable?? 

Re-thinking the "slides are not the root of all evil" statement.

They ARE, however, the root of all static electricity.

They were having much more fun than it looks like. 

Really.

They were.

Promise. 

I mean it. Fun times. 

I love this man:

Another sneaky pic of #2! Mwoo Hooo Hooo Haaa Haa! 

And another one! Isn't she gorgeous?

I discovered Baby Boy doesn't like the bull-riding tires.

I also discovered I had multi-colored hair and have since rectified that. 

 Baby Boy DOES like it when Mommy pushes him on the swings!

Hee!! Another one! This time a SMILE! 

#1 saying "I don't know WHY he's crying!!"

Make that screaming. 

Found a way to make him laugh!

Pretend to be knocked unconscious by his swinging feet! 

What's fun for one child is not necessarily fun for another. 

Case in point: 

#3 takes after her big sister.

What's wrong with my girls and photos?? 

Thankful for telephoto lenses.

 Then we thought it would be good to try to take a group picture on this ramp.

 Almost... 5/7 smiling!

Ok... not sure what's going on here...

 Baby Boy trying to escape, #6 looking somewhere else, #5 done with standing on the ramp, #3 acting like she's in pain, #2 clearly irritated, and #1 can't believe he has to participate.

 It didn't get much better. I never got one usable shot. I took 14.

But I got some good individual ones!

#5 is a doll!

Here's #7 being cute...

And #6 decided the camera was her friend! 

All in all... 

We had a busy, fun, memorable and otherwise very nice October!