Winter Jam / Holt child sponsorship night

I. Am. EXHAUSTED.

Let me just start by saying that I am officially OLD.

"Old" as in "why does it have to be so LOUD in here?!?"
and "I think my ear drums are bleeding...". That kind of "old".

Last night I took my two oldest kiddos and two of their friends and we went to the Winter Jam concert here in Nashville.

If you happen to be just super un-cool and you have no idea what Winter Jam is... it's an annual concert that travels all over the USA with many of the top bands in Christian music.
Not Christian music like Amy Grant and Twila Paris.
Christian music like LOUD, rock/rap/pop music.
Newsong, The David Crowder Band, Newsboys, Francesca Battistelli, Kutless, KJ 52, Sidewalk Prophets, Chris August, and the very frightening - Red.

So, I figured... heck, I listen to christian radio... I know of most of these bands... and besides, I can help get kids sponsors which helps keep kids in their birth families... win/win.

So I signed up to volunteer.

This meant we got to get to the concert 2 hours early, wait in line at the VIP entrance, and then wear this awesome yellow vest.

And no, there are no photos of me WEARING this vest.

You're welcome.

So, my kids and their friends were super excited because they got to get in early and find seats. 

They chose to sit on the third row - right next to the stage. 

Super close.

View from our seats. SUPER close.

I looked through the stack of "my kids" - the 5 envelopes in my pocket. I prayed for them and looked through the endless rows of other children needing sponsors.

Crazy, right?? This was one of three long sets of tables in 

ONE area of the venue.

So, not being able to just sit and wait...

I decided to go hang out over at the main table on the floor.

There weren't many people working over there, so it seemed like a good place to be.

Given my fancy yellow vest... no one really asks questions about who you are and why you are there.

At one point I went to go find some coffee and wound up in the backstage area. Ooops.

This is obviously BEFORE they opened the doors to general tickets.

The concert was a sell-out with 16,000+ people in attendance. 

16 THOUSAND. People. In one place. 

I kept thinking "oh dear Lord, what would happen if there were an emergency??"

But then, I'm old..

So, hanging out in the center-court area of the arena, right under the guy with the huge camera, I realized that I was standing right next to famous people that I didn't know I was standing next to. 

Case in point:

Tony Nolan - pastor/speaker, 5 feet away.

I'm so famous by proximity.

Tony Nolan wrote a book called Hurt Healer. He spoke about the pain from his childhood, being born to a mentally unstable/prostitute mother, living in an abusive home till he was 3 at which point he was adopted (at a "blue light special" rate of $200) into a family that further abused him. He talks about how God had a bigger plan to redeem his life and how satan wanted to do anything possible to keep him from that plan. He has also adopted a daughter from China. I wasn't a huge fan of the particular terminology he used in describing his own adoption experiences, but to a mostly positive-adoption-terminology-ignorant crowd, he got the point across.

He was a good speaker for this particular demographic for sure. 

As for our Holt sponsorship mission? I believe our final count was around 450 kids sponsored last night! Given the 16,000 people in attendance, not a huge percentage, but when you take out the kids who can't really make those decisions for themselves... I'm happy 450 kids have sponsors to help them get the medical and educational things they need.

And me??

Well, I noticed abnormally large amounts of cleavage on many of the girls in attendance.

(pun intended)

What is going on with girls?? I mean, at what point are you getting dressed to go to a Christian concert and you say "is this enough cleavage, or not enough cleavage?" I mean, some of the outfits I saw were outright offensive to me as a woman, much less offensive to me as a mother of boys. Put some freaking clothes on, girls! Women have fought for years to be taken seriously, and you are sending us back in time 70 years with your flagrant disregard for your own modesty. 

(and no, I don't have a photo to prove it. You're welcome.)

Oh, and my hearing came back today.

And the kids had a great time!

See? Doesn't she seem to be having fun?

The one in the front is mine,
 the one behind him might as well be too.

This was the line we had to wait in outside.
Just the VIP line. Seriously.

Adoption Ethics

Back when we first got started in our adoption process, we discovered that out there in the world of adoption there are a bazillion agencies.

Each agency has their own set of fees, procedures, country programs, and application procedures.

Each agency has their own requirements of potential adoptive parents.

And each agency has varying levels of ethical practices.

We were blissfully unaware of the differences in the ethics of different agencies until after we were in process and  discovered different agencies handling situations VERY differently than ours.

Many things that were NOT okay with our agency were perfectly fine with others.

While we were in process, I felt that this may have been unfair and some of the "rules" seemed silly... but looking back from this end of things, I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that we used one of the most ethical agencies in this country for our adoption.

Now that we are done, I can tell you that there were times I was SUPER upset with the way they handled things. They have this reputation as being VERY CONSERVATIVE in all aspects. Well, this is all well and good until you are trying to discern if a rumor you are hearing online and in chat rooms about Ethiopian adoptions is TRUE or not... and you are told to wait while they sort it all out.

However, since we have been home I have seen many other adoption stories online via blogs and stories from friends. I have heard stories that make my skin crawl. I have heard stories that sound an awful lot like child trafficking. I have heard stories that sound like birth-parent-coercion.

If you found this post because you are researching agencies...
do yourself a favor.
If you read a negative review somewhere...
consider the subject matter of the review.

If someone is upset because they didn't get their photos when they thought they should (ahem... ME!), or they are upset because they didn't pass committee the first two times and feel like they are getting the runaround (also ME...)... those are issues with the way the agency is trying to make sure they are doing the right thing.

On the flip side of that... if the reviews have to do with not getting communication from the adoption agency, or unexpected changes once the parent arrives in country, or unanswered questions about the birth family, or ANYTHING that sounds even SLIGHTLY unethical...RUN.
RUN far away from that agency.
Do not look back. Do not be mesmerized by their promises, their shorter timelines, or their lower fees. Do not be in such a hurry to get started that you jump into a contract with an agency that you will then have to defend for the rest of your life. Don't do it. Unethical agencies need to be put out of business and the only way that will happen is if adoptive parents STOP SUPPORTING THEM.

As for our agency...

Did they do everything perfectly all the time? No. 

There are several families who feel like the ball was dropped with respect to their June/July embassy date mix ups, but they don't doubt the ethicacy (is that a word?) of their adoptions. They may have put the adoptive parents in the loony bin a time or two, but they never went out and picked out children to fill up their orphanages. They never coerced a birth parent into relinquishing a child. They have programs in place to help families stay together. They have a clinic to see sick children and parents and pregnant women to help them become and remain healthy so that they can parent their children. They are multi-faceted in their approach in-country. 

What could they do better? They could support parents better after they are at home.
They had many concerns regarding our adopting three kiddos when we already had 4 at home, but I have not had a checking-in phone call since we were home 2 weeks (which was more about our trip and our immediate transitions). Many would argue that's a job for your social worker and the post-placement visits... which I can see as well... but ultimately the success or failure of a placement reflects back on the agency, not the home study workers... so I think it would be in everyone's best interest if they checked in with families regularly for the first year home.
Could our agency have given us photos more regularly?? I believe so. There has to be a way to get waiting parents photos and/or video more regularly. Every 3 months is a HUGE length of time when you are waiting (especially for those adopting an infant or young baby). Some kind of secure website where waiting families could see the progression of their paperwork or see their number on the referral list or something similar would be wonderful.


I loved the in-country staff. They are some of the most amazing, called-by-the-Lord, passionate, children-loving people you will ever have the pleasure of meeting. I can say without a doubt that those women genuinely LOVE the children in their care.


Don't be fooled into thinking "all those negative reviews are written by the same angry person". Maybe there's a reason why someone is so angry. There is no room for snarkiness and petty agency-bashing in adoption.
We are talking about CHILDREN'S LIVES here.
It's hard enough without adding to the drama with some allegations of unethical practices hanging over your case.
Just be VERY cautious.


If you want to know... here's our agency's website.

What's the holdup?

Well, it's like this.

Trying to phrase this in a way that does not come back to bite me in the rear...

There's this government agency in Ethiopia.

We call it MOWA.

It's the Ministry of Women's Affairs.

They are understaffed and overextended.

Following is my understanding of how the 

MOWA staff affect our ability to go pick up our children.

In order to complete our adoption, MOWA 

staff needs to submit 4 letters on our behalf.

(This may be per child, I am not sure.)

Letter #1 is for the court date.

(the lack of this letter is why our 

court date was May 18th, 

then we were rescheduled to June 1st)

Letter #2 is is to process the post-court paperwork.

This letter starts the process of getting our children ready to go home.

Letter #3 is so that we can get a birth certificate issued.

We need the birth certificate in their new names 

so that we can get the passport.

Letter #4 is so that we can get a passport issued.

We need the birth certificate to get the 

passport, and both to get the visa.

So where are we in this process??

Who the heck knows.

MOWA is closed this week.

HOPEFULLY it is for some kind of efficiency

 training or staff training or something...

because there are a LOT of parents 

JUST LIKE US 

who have passed court, are legally their child's 

parents and who are just waiting to be allowed 

to go pick them up.

We have some other stuff, too.

Stuff I can't go into on the blog for privacy reasons...

but some darn good reasons why we 

need to get the kids home soon.

Last week we thought we could go with 

the next travel group...

but surprise,

our MOWA letters were not written 

before they closed for the week.

This was a major set-back for us in that we have weeks that we need to be here and available for our extended family. Of course, MOWA does not understand this on a personal level. I am sure there are people there who would understand, but due to the fear of something sinister happening under the table, no agency is allowed to contact MOWA directly to ask for the status of a family's paperwork. It is excruciating to know that had these letters been written and submitted, we could be leaving in a week and be home in two and get our lives somewhat settled before all of the chaos July will/may bring in our family.

Our agency - they have been wonderful.

They totally understand and have advocated 

for us with the Ethiopian staff.

They understand our particular situation and have tried,

 unsuccessfully, to help get us there in the window 

we had available. They were willing, but 

MOWA was not caught up to our point yet.

I received updated photos of the kids yesterday!

While this was really nice, it was also somewhat 

heartbreaking as I have been able to watch them get 

older and older over the past 7 months since 

we first saw their photos.

I guess this qualifies as a "down" day.

We have a lot on our plates right now and

a lot coming up.

I just want my kids here

or at least to be able to plan the trip

with more than 14 days notice.

There. I said it.

Life isn't fair.

I tell my kids this all the time.

Like practically every day.

Them:

"But!! That's NOT FAIR!!"

Me:

"Life isn't fair. Whoever told you it is... they lied to you."

I spoke with the Ethiopia program director this morning.

She confirmed what I had heard.

All of the June Visa dates are full.

30 appointments.

Full.

This means, 

IF we pass court on June 1..

the soonest we could travel is for the 

July 13th Visa Appointments.

This would put us on a plane around July 8th.

I am not holding my breath.

If this process has taught me ANYTHING it's that

you can't HOPE.

You can only wait.

If I find myself hoping to travel mid-July...

I will be crushed when those travel dates fill up and

we aren't on the list.

At this point, I just pray we get there before August.

The back-to-school rush will be upon us at that time 

and all 4 school aged kids are starting new schools

this year. Brand New. Like, they don't have a parking lot yet.

So there will be meetings, paperwork, and I will once again 

create an Excel Spreadsheet to organize the lists of required 

school supplies for 4 kids and their teachers. 

Then they will go to school and teachers will 

add to my list once I am done shopping. 

So we wait.

And then we wait some more.

And it stinks.

And I hate it.

I am tired of waiting.

I want to be able to DO something.

Something to take care of my three babies.

It's not fair.

And I should have known it wouldn't be.

Didn't pass

It was strange.

Paul and I both thought we would pass.

Not sure why... I mean, I thought I was prepared to not pass the first time -all things considered.

But when I checked my phone for emails today and started seeing "We passed!" and "She's ours!"

and I thought, "Wow! They are sending out news FAST today!" then I saw an email from Holt!

Suddenly, I thought it was possible!

Then I opened the email.

Unfortunately for us, the Ministry of Women's Affairs in Ethiopia did not have a letter to the court on time for our case.

Yeah, that's what I thought too... "WHAT?! They had 18 days to get that letter done and to the court!"

So... we are rescheduled for June 1st.

I do have a tiny bit of hope. The hope is that MOWA will send this letter over to the court and the court will just process our paperwork right away instead of waiting two weeks.

If not... we still wait.

This is yet another thing that just isn't fair, or right or orderly or organized in international adoption.

YIPPIE!!!

I got updated medical reports on my kids today!

They are in Addis Ababa now!

Yippie!!

Further more, one of my two favorite Holt people - Stephanie - totally talked me off a cliff this afternoon (prior to hearing about the labs and Addis news!)!

She is awesome and I hope someday to meet her and Jenn and give them both big hugs!

She told me that some of the nannies transition with the kids when they move from one center to the other so that  they have a familiar face, and they also transition with other children to make it easier! 

I just can't tell you what that does for my heart today!!

On the labs... I have some concerns, but nothing I think needs immediate care. 

I am having them looked at tomorrow though.

Poor Evelyn looks to be a little sick, too.

I need my babies home. 

But, today... I am happy to know they are one step closer!

Dental pain and government offices

Sunday evening I began to notice a slight sore spot by my nose.

I figured it was an underground attack zit just waiting for my next photo opportunity to pop out and say "hello".

Nope.

That would have been nice.

Monday, the soreness was more clearly from a tooth.

#11 to be precise.

So I went into work a tiny bit early and asked our assistant to please x-ray 

that tooth and see what was going on.

Since I have worked in the dental office for a year now, 

I could see right away that I have a "halo" around the root ... meaning infection.

It was ok the rest of that day...

then, as if my own body was mocking me...

evening fell.

By Tuesday morning, I was DONE.

I texted my mom (.../boss/office manager) and said this tooth needed to come out. 

Today. 

Like 3 hours ago.

Well... my stepdad who is the dentist said it can come out, 

but there would be more to deal with than just the normal placing the implant, abutment and crown. 

So... he called a friend to get me in to have a root canal.

Their earliest appointment was today at 10:30.

By 3pm yesterday I was begging for a shot of anesthetic.

So, he numbed it up nicely and wrote a prescription to get me through the night.

Later that same day... I was in excruciating pain. The anesthetic wore off, the lortab was not working, and my stomach was upset since I couldn't eat and was taking all these pills.

I laid on the couch with a heating pad most of the night. I fell asleep for 30 minutes here and there, but vividly remember almost every hour on the clock all night long. 

Finally, morning came. I began to be aware that I was incredibly itchy and it was not localized to any one area.

My eyeballs itched.

My ears itched.

The bottom of my feet itched.

My knees itched. 

The webbing between my fingers itched.

I called the pharmacy to find out if it was the combination of the lortab, the amoxicillin, advil and tylenol pm...

or if it could be something else all together.

She asked if I had ever taken lortab before. 

Nope. 

I never take anything like that.

Guess who has an allergic reaction to hydrocodone?

Yep.

And I am STILL itchy (8 hours since my last 1/2 pill).

So... I got the root canal phase 1 finished at least.

I am swollen to the point that I look like I tried to stuff my face full of marshmallows.

So... once my pain subsided to the point where I could think about anything else...

I began to think... I have not heard back from the congresswoman's office about my USCIS case yet!

So... I tried to call. Guess what? The person I need to speak with is not there.

So I sent ANOTHER email.

I hate waiting on people to do stuff like this.

My paperwork is literally sitting on someone's desk waiting to be approved.

If I don't get that paperwork or at least a verbal approval, I can't get my court date for whenever it is first scheduled. They will reschedule my date. 

I don't want that to happen.

Anyway...

Also the past couple of weeks our agency has matched nearly 20 referrals THAT I KNOW OF!

Not that I don't love hearing about those referrals.

Not that I am not happy for all of the new parents.

BUT... 

Some of these referrals are for tiny itty bitty babies and they JUST came into care.

I really will feel frustrated if those families get court dates and travel dates before me (or my other WCP friends who have kids who have been in care for a year already).

Not that I don't want them to get their babies soon... because I do.

I just feel like the longer a child has been waiting... the faster they should be allowed to come home.

Maybe that's wrong.

But, that's where I am today.

Printed!

This past Friday (3/12) when our dossier made it to Ethiopia, we were also contacted by our social worker. She said that due to the new regulations (see prior post on New News from ET), she wanted us to NOT wait for our official fingerprinting appointment, but to instead just "show up on Monday and ask nicely" to get it done.

Um... okay. This is a government agency. They have intimidating initials (USCIS). They wear uniforms with patches and have warnings on the doors about not using recording equipment inside. These folks don't "do" fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants.

So, of course, Paul and I showed up Monday.

It went AWESOMELY well! They were super efficient, very friendly, and we were in and out in under 15 minutes! (We can only dream that someday the DMV or Postal Service would work like this!)

I called to let Holt know and they were glad to hear we were successful in getting that done!
I spoke with the social worker who had given us our rogue assignment and she was also glad and said that she will start her email campaign this coming week to check on the status.
I sent an email to the Memphis office asking nicely (half begging) for them to expedite our application.
I got a reply back that they always expedite.
(By definition, this can not possibly be true. Always expediting is not possible. That would be your normal speed. There would still be room to make something go faster if this was your normal speed. Should I send a dictionary?)

Anyway... I am trying not to think about it as the days go on.

Today, I am that much closer to our babies and they are closer to being ours!

Today, our oldest did a presentation for his class. The assignment was to choose a charity or non-profit and try to convince the class that they should spend their money on that person's choice. He and his group chose Holt. He showed photos of his newest siblings! He talked about their programs to keep families together! He is said to have done an awesome job!

He. Wore. A. Suit.
Yes... he also had on a baseball hat and high-tops... but he wore a SUIT, people!

It's in there. It's in their hearts. My own children are seeing the need and are vocalizing their heart for the least of these!

I love my family!
(even more than the Nashville USCIS office!)

New News from ET

Taking a queue from my sister Melissa, I am going to attempt to put on my "positive pants" about this situation since I know that

A. Being frustrated, annoyed, angry and generally sad about it will do me no good and will not change a darn thing.

B. Trying to think of something positive to say will stretch my brain and may get my forehead out of its now-near-permanently wrinkled state. 

NEWS:

Ethiopian High Courts have announced a quick little blurb today that states in a nutshell that all adoptive families who do not have a court date scheduled as of today will be required to attend court personally instead of using the agency's attorney, with our POA, who is in Ethiopia.

Positive Pants:

Traveling prior to the visa appointment will allow our kids to come home on an IR-4 visa (I believe thats the right one) which basically says they get to become US citizens upon setting foot in the USA. Now families have to file a lot of paperwork once home to get their kids recognized as citizens.

FRUSTRATION:

An already expensive venture just got MORE expensive by adding another travel date, another hotel stay, another stay in Ethiopia with meals and such, and the logistics of providing for the kids at home.

Positive Pants:

Yes, it is expensive and that "grand total" number is never set in stone until you are home and done with the processing. This is just one more twist and turn along the adoption road. It's unexpected, but you can't get GPS-quality routing down the adoption road. And, in the grand scheme of things, what's another $3-$5K?

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS:

Will both parents have to travel for court? If so, that pretty much ensures that Paul and I both have to make both trips since neither of us alone could travel to bring home three preschoolers on a 20+ hour flight. Not knowing the answer to this not only leaves a question mark over our dollar signs, but the added frustration of feeling that if we had passed our committee the first time around (or even the second) our dossier could have been done faster and maybe we would have missed this new requirement. 

Positive Pants:

If everything happens for a reason, and I believe this is all in God's control... there must be some reason why our paperwork is on the path and with the timeline we have right now. If I trust Him for the calling, trust Him for the money, then...I have to also trust Him for the timeline. 

One more thing...

It seems that most of the information I am reading online is all happy-isn't-this-fabulous from the perspective of adoptive parents who are ALREADY HOME. While I love and respect those parents, I think they have a form of adoption "pregnancy amnesia". They have forgotten how the unexpected ups and downs affect everything. They have forgotten what it is like to wait.
They have their children home.
 I understand the reasoning behind this has to do with making sure the adoptions are all ethical and that parents are able to see the child/ren they are adopting before it is legal and nearly impossible to reverse. HOWEVER, when we entered into this process we were told Ethiopia was a one-trip country and that made it very appealing to us for several reasons. (Finances, planning, logistics with the rest of the kids, etc.) Changing the requirements for parents who have dossiers already turned in seems like a breach of contract or something, even though 

I know we never had a contract with the government in ET. 

Positive Pants

The Ethiopian government is within their rights to change the rules at any point they so desire. They can stop all together and close the country if they want - it has happened before (Guatemala). It hurts because my children are there and they have been waiting 6 months already and now, that wait is extended. 

I suppose if the option is two trips or a closed country... I would choose two trips in a heartbeat. 

Please pray for our finances. I am applying for every grant I can find, planning fundraisers and basically hoping to meet some wealthy benefactor who loves orphans and wants to see our three come home soon!

Now with this added trip, our expenses just went up.

Photos!

I am the most BLESSED mom today!

My oldest called me from school to tell me something about his schedule and after school activities... 

and he said "I love you!" before hanging up! 

IN PUBLIC. 

AT SCHOOL!

My youngest two got dressed and ready for school with NO issues today, 

ate breakfast without fighting 

and allowed me to get ready with no stress! 

My almost-12 year old daughter cracks me up with her puns 

and sense of humor 

and she makes me proud with her good grades at school!

Then last night I got new photos from Holt of my babies!

2 photos of our 4 year old girl!

3 photos of our 3 year old girl!

Oddly... no photos of our 2 year old baby boy...who we will call Joshua.

Hmmm.

So I emailed Holt...

Today??

3 photos of Joshua!!

They look so wonderful!! 

So much bigger, 

so much healthier, 

so much happier! 

They have hair!

I feel SO very blessed to have received these photos!

And yes... 

they are already printed so I can show them off!

AHS - Adoption High School

I have no new thoughts today... 

but I was thinking about this post I wrote back on November 10th and it felt relevant today.

Here is my (adoption related) pet peeve of the day: adoption superiority.
What is that, you may ask?
Well... basically, when we ventured out into this territory - I thought it was one big happy family. The Adoption Community. We are one in the bonds of love, and all that jazz. Ummmm.... NO. 

It's more like Adoption High School.
Remember High School? Sure you do... jocks, nerds, goths, skaters, cheerleaders, preps, richie rich, star wars freaks, etc, etc, etc.
Well... transpose those "categories" to the adoption world and you have:

Domestic VS. International... 

Foster/Adopt VS. Infant program...

Independent Adoption VS Agency Program...

Waiting Child VS. Infant...

Special Needs VS Non-special needs...

Sibling Group VS One Child...

There is this sort of hierarchy of adopting parents - those who have adopted multiple times or multiple children are at the top - the jocks and cheerleaders of the community.

Let me also say that I don't think EVERY person is called to adopt PERSONALLY. I think that there are family situations that would not make this possible and not every person could handle a child much less more than one. I do feel that as Christians, we are called to care for widows and orphans. Church bodies are supposed to lead the way and help those who are called - allowing them to fund-raise, helping them along, lending a hand in some way. But there is this whole segment of the adoption community - the "holier than thou's" - who think that if you can't adopt for some reason, or just don't feel called to personally adopt - that you are less of a human for it. You are somehow going against the Lord's will for your life if you do not adopt. See Ephesians 4:11-12 for clarification of the way God designed His church to function. If God places adoption on your heart, you are in SIN not to do it. If you do not feel called to adopt - - I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are called to some other purpose that is just as important to His heart. We all are. If everyone were 110% focused on adoption - who would care for the elderly in nursing homes? Who would work at the soup kitchens? Who would rake leaves for the disabled this fall? Who would drive their neighbor to the doctor's office? There are many ways that we are to be Jesus' hands and feet - we can't all be the arm or the ankle. All are equally important. (Even if you do feel like the appendix in the Body of Christ... find your purpose!)

• God forbid I ever look down on another family because they are adopting from a country I don't feel called to.

• I hope I never criticize anyone for adopting one child while a sibling group waits.

• I hope I never become the "high and mighty" or the "know-it-all" who second guesses motives and choices a family is making.

• I hope I only uplift and encourage those who feel called to this often-times-not-fun process!

Oh, and those of you with children who aren't the same color as you... if I stare a little too long at the grocery store, it's not because I am judging you, it's just my mind wandering to that place where I wonder what MY more colorful family will look like. I look because I am envious - you have completed this part of the journey. I look because I would love to hear your stories - the good, the bad and the ugly - of the process and since then. I look because I love you for what you represent to my heart. 

Our agency is HOLT. We are adopting from Ethiopia.
We love Catholic Charities of Nashville for our home study because they are wonderful people!
We are requesting siblings- - maybe up to 4! Yes, that qualifies us for the loony bin... we don't care.
Ultimately, we have to make these choices ourselves as a couple and as a family.

That may put us into a certain clique in the Adoption High School... but I would like to officially claim non-citizenship with that clique.

Can't we, like, all just, like, totally get along? For real... and WHATever.

Paperwork Schmaperwork!

I am almost done, baby!!! WOOHOO!
By tonight I will have mailed my I600a WITH the homestudy AND mailed my dossier to Holt!
WOOHOO!
Now what??

Well...
My happy little dossier will travel all the way to Eugene, Oregon where it will be looked over by the ET staff peeps, they will add some papers then it will go to Washington, DC (who will have hopefully thawed out by then) and get stamped by our government and then sent to the Ethiopian Embassy in DC for more stuff... then on to Ethiopia!
When it gets there (not sure if it gets translated at the embassy or in ET), it will be translated and then they will start working on getting us a court date.
From what we are being told, we have to expect two court dates, possibly three.
You know, sometimes the lights are out in the courthouse....

After we pass court, we wait for a travel date! Our agency has two visa dates per month, therefore two travel groups per month. We are hoping that will be June or July (I am secretly hoping for June.. for our 15th anniversary... but let's not hold our breath!).

So... what do we have to do now?
USCIS will contact us for a fingerprinting appointment, but other than that... we do fundraising and we WAIT.

Did I mention fundraising?? Oh yes...
If you have any really awesome fundraiser ideas, please feel free to share them with me!
Right now we are focusing locally - trying to schedule cooking classes and thinking about auctioning my hubby's chef services for dinner parties... but wondering if I need to think outside of that box a little?

Goodbye, happy little dossier! Make your momma proud! ;)

The BEST picture I have seen this week...

This is the notation they put on the "Waiting Child Photo listing" photos once the children listed have been matched with a family! I can't post a picture of them, but they are SO stinking cute and I can't WAIT to get (hopefully) some updated photos that shows them looking like they feel a little better. 

Gun shy

After having been through two committee dates, hints of phone call resolutions, emails etc over the past 6 weeks... I don't quite know what to expect for today.

10:30 Pacific time there will be a conference call between 4 women who have the power to approve us for our waiting sibling group... or not.

I don't know what to expect after this phone call.

I would love to think that today will be the end of this part of our journey and the beginning of the next.
I would love to think that we will find out today if we are approved for our adopting the babies we love so much.
I just don't know.

I have asked my social worker to call me after the call to let me know... no offense to anyone at Holt, but if its not a favorable conclusion, I just don't want to lose it on the phone with them just yet.

Experience required.

I got an email this weekend from our home study social worker. She had spoken with the out-of-town social worker who is holding up the committee decision to allow us to adopt our sibling group.
She found out what the issue is.

Ready for this??

We have no adoption experience.

Seriously.

No matter that our in-laws have adopted a sibling group of three as well as a special-needs child.

No matter that we have friends and neighbors who have and are still adopting.

No matter that we have read SO MANY books on adoption, attachment, multi-racial families, etc...

Nope - that doesn't matter. We have never adopted before. Therefore, we can't possibly figure this out.

It's like having a degree from a university and applying for jobs but hearing "we really want someone with more experience".

And you know what's worse??

We can't argue with not having experience. We have NEVER adopted personally before.
That much IS true. However, we are parents and we KNOW Jesus put these kids in our lives for a reason and that they belong with us.

Still praying for Thursday.

No news is not news.

Whoever said "no news is good news" has never adopted.

I did speak with both - our social worker from our home study agency as well as the social worker we have been working with from Holt, last night. 

Basically, we wait.

Since one question/objection was that we had no experience with special needs kids, I wondered if it would be helpful for me to send my employment evaluation from this past spring when I was working as a Special Education T.A. I got a very favorable evaluation and was asked back for this school year. The only "negative" on my evaluation was that I tend to get too attached and personally involved in the kids I worked with.

And no, I didn't NOT go back this year because it was too hard. I would have been happy to return. However, my parents dental practice needed a front desk person while theirs was on maternity leave and she did not return.

I was told not to worry about providing any more documentation - that this was all now FAR above the social worker level and up to the director levels. Yikes. I hope that proves beneficial to us and that we do not now appear to be that pain-in-the-rear family. I did not personally start this domino trail of emails and phone calls between our HS agency and Holt... but I fear we may be the victims if it doesn't work out in our favor because the big-shots got all involved and got feathers ruffled.

One more week I guess... then maybe we will know something.

On a positive note, I think we may be nearly finished with the dossier documents! We still need our finished home study and maybe one more document then we will go get everything notarized and two things certified... and VOILA! Dossier! ;) Yeah, right. Because everything else so far has been that easy, right? LOL!

For my babies who wait to come home:

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge, his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day... no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways." (Psalm 91:4-5,10-11).

I am doing okay waiting today... waiting till Thursday to find out if THIS time Holt will say we can proceed. 
I couldn't sleep well last night. Just kept thinking about things. 

Things like (warning... you are now entering Chrissy's brain. It's somewhat like those thought-spider-web things they teach you to make to brainstorm an idea. I did not need help in that area.):
What if they say no? What if they say YES? 
How long till we get our dossier together? 
Isn't "dossier" French for "file"? 
Why not just call it a file? Do we think "dossier" sounds better since it's French? Is it common knowledge that it's a French word? 
What was that sound? I should not have watched "I Survived..." before bed when Paul is out of town. I know better. That was dumb. The doors are locked. We live in Mayberry. We have a giant dog. Oooohhhh... it was the dishwasher turning off. Stupid loud dishwasher. I didn't mean that... I love you, dishwasher. 
I wonder what time it is in Ethiopia? So, if it's tomorrow already, by the time I get information from ET, it's already like two days old? Wait, that doesn't make sense. Wait, yes it does. 
Did I turn off the outside light? I wonder if that possum is back. Would the light scare off the possum? Probably not. If *I* were a possum, I would not come here again. 
It's really cold in the bed without Paul. I should get up and get socks. I hate sleeping with socks. Well, do I hate trying to sleep with cold feet more than I hate sleeping with socks on? That bathroom tile floor is REALLY cold... I am not getting up. I will eventually warm up under the covers. If I lay realllllly still... not working. I need an electric blanket. I wonder if they really start fires as often as people warn about that. Surely not. Can't be worse than thinking I can warm up my feet with the hairdryer under the sheets. Its probably people like me that make them put that warning on there about not using the hairdryer while you are sleeping. If I am willing to get up to do that, I might as well just put on socks. 
Our poor Ethiopian kids are going to FREEEEEEEZE in the winters! I wonder how cold it gets in Ethiopia. I just know there won't be any snow there... because of that song. Great. Now that song is stuck in my head. "And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time..." Yeah, I dont know any other words to that song. Who sang that anyway? Sounds like Sting in my head. It could sound like anyone in MY head. I could do Ariel - the Little Mermaid singing that song in my head. 
I am weird. I wonder if other people think like this? I am SO glad the home study lady doesn't do some kind of super high-tech thought-reading assessment. THAT would be weird. I wonder if they can do that? I think I might be able to break a machine that reads thoughts. 
Ponderous. Great. Now THAT song is stuck in my head. "And then my shoes started to squeak... eeer-eeer-reeek" That was a stupid song. I wonder.........


I will spare you more thoughts. That's how I try to get to sleep at night. Some nights, I wish someone would just whack me on the head with something heavy! I did this when I was pregnant, too... so I guess my brain thinks I am expecting! Maybe in a way, I am!

Spaniopians

Tiny little world view: 
Overheard today while eating ice cream...
Sam: "My baby brother is going to say "Hola Amigo!" when he sees me..."
Olivia: "No... it will be "HOLA Amigas!" (accent on the HOLA...)
Me: "Um, guys... they don't speak Spanish in Ethiopia."
Them : "oh."


Homestudy:
We had our final two visits today for our home study!! WOOHOO!!
Paul had his individual interview and we had our home visit where she toured our home and talked to the kids. We had to count smoke detectors. If you have never done that, I highly recommend counting your smoke detectors - you know, just for fun.
We also had to make sure we had a fire extinguisher in the home. I thought we did... I was wrong - it was a butane torch. NOT the same thing. Paul went to buy two extinguishers.
I scrubbed bathrooms - she didn't visit them or even really look inside very well.
I thought for SURE she would check for ring-around-the-tub.


Our oldest thought she was coming to approve our home in some sick "Super Nanny" style. He was afraid she was going to be British and throw away his video games.


We all survived... we may have even enjoyed having her visit! I really didn't stress too badly... however, you might get a different opinion if you asked someone else! ;)


One week from tomorrow is the next committee date.
I was looking at our kids' pictures today and thinking how much I would love to squeeze them and tell them how hard we are working to bring them home quickly!! A home study---paperwork, visits and interviews in 2 weeks?? Insanity. I have read three adoption books in the past three weeks... absorbing them like a Sham Wow. I want the committee members to know how hard we have worked and how many hoops we have jumped through... so we are writing a letter. They may not read it, but at least they will have it for presenting as a part of who our family is.


I was reading today that the founders of Holt International were one of the pioneering families in international adoption. They had 6 bio kids when they adopted 8 (EIGHT) kids from Korea *AT ONE TIME*. Hmmm.... interesting, they didn't think they would be "overwhelmed" and just say "no". One quotation from the story on the Holt website says, "Their example proved that a family’s love can transcend the barriers of nationality and race, that love and commitment are the most important bonds in a family." 
I love that quotation! The line, "love and commitment are the most important bonds in a family"...if they only knew how strongly and deeply I believe that statement to be true!! 


I am SUPER excited for 2010! (Slightly disappointed that we don't have flying cars yet... weren't we supposed to have flying cars?? I remember writing essays about "What will life be like in 2010?" in school! WHEW!)
I really hope 2010 is the year we bring our kids home and that we are able to inspire other families to get off of the adoption fence and expand their own families! 


I can't wait to see what the new year holds!
Blessings!!!

Christmas photos!

I am not sure how I feel yet about putting pictures of our kids online, so these are pics of my family... minus my kiddos (for now).
Christmas was good... crazy busy... but good! I think if anything, it helped keep my mind off of the number of days until our next committee meeting at Holt!! (10 days)

Christmas Eve we went up to my dad's house for brunch with that side of the family. My grandmother was there and we got lots of pictures together since there are VERY few in existence of the whole family together!

 After eating and opening gifts, we drove to my Mom's house for "Christmas, part deux". My hubby cooked quite a bit in both locations (since he is an amazing chef and loves to cook for friends and family!).

This is him butchering the Christmas Goose. This was the first year for goose... have not decided if it is one of my favorites yet or not.

Christmas Day we woke up around 7:30 to our youngest, Sam, announcing that he had been downstairs already and Santa had indeed visited our house! He took care of waking up the other 3 kids (amazingly easy to do on Christmas morning!!) while I poured our coffee (which I had the forethought to set to brew ahead of time!). We opened gifts and played for a bit, then got dressed and headed back to my Mom's house for the Christmas Day festivities which include the (newly) traditional Seafood Stew made by my hubby and step-dad. It's WONDERFUL and this is the third year in a row that we have had it! It's my favorite and I definitely look forward to that on Christmas Day!

My sister and her hubby are here from Colorado Springs for the week! She is pregnant with their 1st baby - Alice - who is due in early March! It is so much fun to see the baby moving, feel her tummy, and just hang out with my sister! We don't get to see each other very often since we live so far apart, so this has been quite a treat!

The kids got a Wii this year for Christmas from my Mom and we have been having lots of fun playing bowling, boxing, tennis and Band Hero! I gotta say... I am QUITE the rock star (on "easy") on the guitar! It's great to have a video game that the whole family can play and enjoy together!

On the adoption front, we have 10 days till committee, part two.
We have the formal application with Holt signed and notarized, just need to mail it in tomorrow and call them with payment over the phone.
Home study visits are half-way done... we have one last visit (two birds with one stone) for Paul's individual interview and our home visit. I am not stressing out over the home visit. I really like our social worker - she is just such a sweet lady and seems very approachable. She says she really isn't coming to inspect our house cleaning skills, so I am going to try REALLY hard to control myself and not stay up all night before her appointment organizing closets and scrubbing baseboards. I. Will. Not. Go. Crazy.

Phone Interview

Wow.

Adoption is WAY different than pregnancy.

Harder in a LOT of ways.

Tonight, I had 30 minutes to impress and otherwise convince a lady I have never met that we would be the perfect family for our sibling group waiting in Ethiopia.

Thirty Minutes.

Then, Paul had thirty minutes... but in true Paul-style, only used about 15 of his minutes! (Had I known, I would have offered to fill up 45!!)

The questions were basically what I expected...

"That's a LOT of kids..."

Well, we don't feel overwhelmed by the number.

"How will you handle those tough mommy days?"

Well, seeing as how I have been a mommy having random tough days for 13 years now... (seriously, I said... "I drink a lot of coffee, take bubble baths, and call my friends to unload.")

And basically she just wanted to know about our current kiddos. How will they adjust, how will they adapt to not getting any attention for awhile, which one will have the hardest time adjusting, etc.

Then she said that she will represent us at committee this coming Thursday and that they should be done around 1pm Pacific time. (That's between 11-3pm for prayers in the Central zone!) I have confidence that the Lord is working all of this out for us, but still that apprehension that comes from living in a fallen world, full of fallen people, making decisions that affect my life one way or another.

Sweet Jesus, please guide the hearts, minds and discussion of these ladies who hold my babies in their hands. Help them to KNOW that they KNOW that our family is perfect for them! Watch over the babies as they wake up soon... send someone their way to give them hugs, kiss their cheeks and allow them to have good food to eat today. Would you somehow wrap them in my love and let them know that somewhere out there, there is a family longing to bring them home? Thank you for working out the details, and for caring about the tiniest things. We love you, Lord.