What do you wake up thinking about?

Well, if you are 6 months, 2 weeks and 5 days into the love of three babies in Ethiopia...
your morning thoughts may look like this:

Coffee and Blackberry...

what time is it in Eugene, Oregon at the agency office?

Perhaps sorting some paperwork for the travel binder is in order.

Begin ANOTHER "To Do" list

Perhaps do a little good-deal shopping on line to check something off of the ubiquitous to-do list!

Casually read over the packing list (one more time) and see what can be simplified.

Sit and wonder, 

Daydream and hope, 

Pray and plead

that today will be the day

they call and say its time.

Another reason why it's hard to wait

A friend dropped off some clothes and

inside that bag was this really cute pair

of baby girl crocs.

I don't know if they will fit...

but I will take them just in case!

I miss you, babies.

Mommy will be there really soon, I promise.

What's the holdup?

Well, it's like this.

Trying to phrase this in a way that does not come back to bite me in the rear...

There's this government agency in Ethiopia.

We call it MOWA.

It's the Ministry of Women's Affairs.

They are understaffed and overextended.

Following is my understanding of how the 

MOWA staff affect our ability to go pick up our children.

In order to complete our adoption, MOWA 

staff needs to submit 4 letters on our behalf.

(This may be per child, I am not sure.)

Letter #1 is for the court date.

(the lack of this letter is why our 

court date was May 18th, 

then we were rescheduled to June 1st)

Letter #2 is is to process the post-court paperwork.

This letter starts the process of getting our children ready to go home.

Letter #3 is so that we can get a birth certificate issued.

We need the birth certificate in their new names 

so that we can get the passport.

Letter #4 is so that we can get a passport issued.

We need the birth certificate to get the 

passport, and both to get the visa.

So where are we in this process??

Who the heck knows.

MOWA is closed this week.

HOPEFULLY it is for some kind of efficiency

 training or staff training or something...

because there are a LOT of parents 

JUST LIKE US 

who have passed court, are legally their child's 

parents and who are just waiting to be allowed 

to go pick them up.

We have some other stuff, too.

Stuff I can't go into on the blog for privacy reasons...

but some darn good reasons why we 

need to get the kids home soon.

Last week we thought we could go with 

the next travel group...

but surprise,

our MOWA letters were not written 

before they closed for the week.

This was a major set-back for us in that we have weeks that we need to be here and available for our extended family. Of course, MOWA does not understand this on a personal level. I am sure there are people there who would understand, but due to the fear of something sinister happening under the table, no agency is allowed to contact MOWA directly to ask for the status of a family's paperwork. It is excruciating to know that had these letters been written and submitted, we could be leaving in a week and be home in two and get our lives somewhat settled before all of the chaos July will/may bring in our family.

Our agency - they have been wonderful.

They totally understand and have advocated 

for us with the Ethiopian staff.

They understand our particular situation and have tried,

 unsuccessfully, to help get us there in the window 

we had available. They were willing, but 

MOWA was not caught up to our point yet.

I received updated photos of the kids yesterday!

While this was really nice, it was also somewhat 

heartbreaking as I have been able to watch them get 

older and older over the past 7 months since 

we first saw their photos.

I guess this qualifies as a "down" day.

We have a lot on our plates right now and

a lot coming up.

I just want my kids here

or at least to be able to plan the trip

with more than 14 days notice.

While I'm waiting

Today I am more at peace with the wait.

I can't describe it, or explain why, so I feel that it must be from Jesus.

What are my plans for the wait?

Well... I can realistically presume we will be there within 2 months... so I have stuff to do.

I would like to finish de-cluttering the house. We have a lot of "clutter" laying around and I have this urge to simplify things.

I would like to organize the clothes for the new kids. We don't really know what sizes they will be wearing when they come home, so if I have them sorted into drawers, it will make things easier to pick through.

I would like to put some meals in the freezer.

I may shave the dog. I am SO tired of fur everywhere... maybe a hairless Great Pyrenees will be the next big thing?

I am praying for a front-loading washer and dryer. The extra capacity will be super helpful once we are a family of 9.

Also praying we can fence in the yard before we return home. Not sure where all this money is coming from... so these large purchases may just not be possible.

We will also need a giant van. Not going to think about that right now... I really don't see myself driving the big giant van.

I want to take the kids to the pool at least once or twice a week.

I want to go spend the day with my grandmother a couple of times and also go visit my great-grandmother.

I would like to get my craft table set up in my bedroom so I can sew and make some more bows for the girls.

I want to try out some new recipes for stuff I can eat that travels well in a suitcase getting smooshed for 20 hours in the underneath of a plane.

So... I have stuff to keep me busy these next weeks until we know for sure when we will bring our babies home. Those who have gone before me assure me that these weeks will fly by. I guess we will see about that!

I think the dry cleaner lost my positive pants.

My sister has this thing for Positive Pants.

It's somewhat like
"put on your big girl panties and deal with it..."

but in a more positive manner.

I wrote a post a long time ago wearing said pants...

but recently I have begun to come to the realization 

that either

A. Someone STOLE my positive pants!

or

B. The dry cleaner LOST them.

or 

C. They are too tight and I have to lay on the bed 

and suck in my tummy to zip them up, 

thus rendering them banished to the far 

recesses of my mental closet.

I'm gonna go with B.

Not really.

I know I have been in a funk.

Even the passing court news didn't hit me quite as 

wonderfully upside the head as I was hoping it would.

Not that I am not excited... 

I am very excited to meet my children.

I am just tired.

Monday I felt wronged by the tone of
someone's voice over the phone.

Tuesday I wrote an email that was like
an internet fart that cleared the whole room.

Today I wait for a phone call with our
agency to help settle me down.

I don't think you can ever really be 
prepared for the emotions of an adoption.

The obsessing, the panic, the paperwork craziness, 

the elation followed by sheer devastation, 

the unknowns, the timeline madness,

 the joy, the fear,

the anxiety and

the peace.

It can be wonderful,
but it can also make you absolutely insane.

Right now, the next person who asks me how soon 

till we bring them home may wind up being my kleenex.

Then there's the fear.

What will this look like once we are home?

How many ways will my life change?

Will I have time to do ANYTHING for myself anymore?

Will I live in a complete disaster zone 

since I can't put any one child down for 

more than 5 seconds all day long?

What if they don't get along?

What if we DON'T bond right away?

What if, what if, what if, what if....

And the thing is...

You can't prepare for every "what if".

You can't plan for the unknowns.

All you can do is prepare the best you know how to do,

Ask for prayers for everything under the sun,

Hope you get to go get them soon,

try to be at peace,

and trust that (as much as you hate to hear it)

this part will be over soon.

How soon is soon?

I don't know.

That's the cruddy part.

It's not like being pregnant and knowing that 

no matter what, you won't go over 42 weeks.

SO...

I am hereby promising to relocate my positive pants.

I will not wallow in the muck and ickiness
of worry, doubt and fear.

I will know that all of this is beyond MY control..

so I can let go of my false sense of control.

I will relax and enjoy the last few weeks I have at home with my
4 kids and prepare to have 7 running around.

I will do my (awful, horrible, gigantic pile of) laundry

AND put it away

AND not threaten to institute naked week.

I will smile more and remember that my worry 

is causing unsightly lines around my eyebrow/nose area.

And I will squeeze into those positive pants if it kills me.