Triggers

Trigger - 

(N) An event that sets off a series of thoughts, feelings, 

emotions or sometimes physical reactions 

based solely on a memory. 

(Dictionary according to Chrissy)

Before we adopted our three kiddos,

I had my own set of triggers.

It might be a smell,

a sound,

a phrase,

a tone of voice...

but there are things that "set me off".

And not in a good way.

I have a friend, Lisa, who knows a lot about "triggers" too.

If I am having a bad day, I can call her and say...

"There was this 'trigger'..."

and she understands.

Her advice?

Since she's one of the most Jesus-loving women I know...

she says "trap the crap".

(Which is a reference to the verse 

"take every thought captive" 2 Cor. 10:5)

I love my friend and her way of saying things

so that they stick in my head.

I sometimes need reminders to trap the crap...

especially when I have let the trigger take hold

of my entire brain and send me head-first

into a hurricane of emotion.

My problem is this:

my three littles can't identify their own triggers

and they can't communicate them to me

and I can't help head them off

because I don't know where they are hiding.

This morning it was raining outside.

Was that the trigger?

It was dark when 5 and 7 woke up.

#6 slept in until 6:05am.

Was the darkness the trigger?

Whatever it was...

wherever it was hiding...

Baby Boy had a big food meltdown this morning.

I know my babies know what it is to be "starving".

I don't allow that word anymore out of the mouths of my first four.

I guarantee they don't know "starving" like the littles know "starving".

The first four barely allow their tummies to growl... much less...starving.

Maybe he felt a little hungry and the hunger itself was a trigger.

Crying hysterically, 

Big huge tears,

Clinging to my legs,

BEGGING for milk, water, food of any kind...
it was PANIC.
I saw PANIC in his eyes.

Horrible.

It was horrible.

And it took me a minute to remember his past.

To remember that he knows starvation.

To remember that he knows the feeling of being hungry

and not getting food.

He knows drinking unclean water.

He knows...

WAY more than a baby boy should know.

So once I saw what was going on...

and identified the source of the problem...

He got a bottle of milk,

with a little extra cream,

a handful of cereal on his tray

while I made his favorite...

pancakes with apple butter.

And he ate several.

And we hit the "reset" button

on this trigger.