Double Stuffed

It is the tendency of adoption observers to view the day a family finally 

takes custody of their new child(ren) as that child's beginning. We know they 

have a past, but it is unapproachable, sometimes secretive, and we feel

that the best thing to do is to simply ignore their past and treat them like it doesn't exist.

The thing is, our kids had nearly 11 years of combined experiences between the three of them that we will never be able to fully unpack and retell for them. Sure, they may be able to tell us some stories, but we won't know if their facts are accurate or not because, let's face it - kids remember things differently than adults do.

Why do I tell you this?

Because adopted kids are like

Double Stuffed Oreos.

Here they are sandwiched with two sets of parents, 

and double the history and experiences.

Only addressing or taking into account one of those histories

will leave you thinking maybe the child is unruly, rebellious,

confused, not attaching well, or worse.

No, I am certainly not saying that I need to go 

around sharing my kids' history 

with every teacher, nursery worker, 

grocery store employee, or even friend...

but just know that there is something there... 

that there are experiences beyond 

anything you will ever comprehend.

And know that if you say something

about my child or something he or she did

that triggers that fear response

IN THE PARENT...

it's not you.

It's me,

my fears, 

my concerns,

and the floodgates that just opened

and made me unable to

control my facial expressions.

It's not you.

About Sibling Adoption

Adoption isn't for everyone in every season.

Not everyone should adopt and of those who should or can...

not everyone should adopt siblings.

But if you are thinking about it...

and wondering about logistics of adopting siblings...

here's my perspective on the whole thing!

Obviously I am partial to siblings.

Our babies were on the waiting child list 

with our agency and when we were

finally approved to adopt them

we felt like we had won the lottery!

We couldn't believe that we could be so

fortunate as to be blessed THREE times over!

As we kept going in our process...

I struggled to find an "adoption twin".

You know...

someone like you...

adopting a child or children of the same ages,

in the same part of the process as you,

and with the same number of kids at home already.

 Clearly that's a tall order... 

but its always nice to have someone who just "gets it"

to go through the process with. 

I was unable to find someone adopting three at once, who were all pre-school ages... much less with four at home already. This sometimes gave me anxiety... like, do they all know something we don't know??!

When we got to the point when we traveled to Ethiopia and we met our babies for the first time... I can't even tell you how thankful I was that we had been chosen for our kiddos! We knew they were perfect for our family from day one, and we never thought differently!

Where you find the fork in the road is in the transition.

Our first night together when we took custody, our kids were nervous - but they had each other.

That first trip in a car together - they had each other.

When we didn't speak their language and didn't know what they wanted - they had each other.

In the middle of the night, boarding an airplane with relative strangers - they had each other.

When we got home and everything in their whole world was suddenly different - they had each other.

Strange people, strange smells, strange sounds, big dog... but they had each other!

We have been home over 5 months now and they still sing songs in Wolaytinga 

because they sing them TOGETHER. 

And from our perspective...

our kiddos couldn't be any more perfect.

The big 4 love the little 3...

they play together,

they act just like normal siblings,

they fight over toys,

little brother eats big brothers Nerf darts,

and they all blame the younger one for

EVERYTHING.

It's normal.

It's a family.

And it's OUR family.

It doesn't feel weird...

or strange..

or like anything...

but our family!

So if you are wondering if you can adopt siblings...

yes you can.

And it's wonderful

and amazing

and there are SO many wonderful siblings out there

BIG sibling groups and sibling pairs too..

who don't know if they will ever be chosen

because they come with each other.

But that, in itself, is the blessing of adopting siblings!!

Hiding places

Somewhere deep, deep, deep inside

the corners of my heart

there is a dream.

This desire, placed there by God 

- of that I am sure - 

it hides there out of fear.

It whispers to me inside my thoughts

and dares to warm my heart.

It hides in the corner,

waiting for the signal...

the "all clear!"

that it is safe to come out

and show itself to the world.

But it is NOT safe.

It is NOT normal.

It is NOT rational

and it is certainly 

NOT popular

and my tiny, persistent dream

knows this is true.

If it dared to peek out

into the light of day

out into the real world

and was seen by all...

pain and criticism would certainly follow.

So it stays hidden from view and

only comes out in the safety of quiet and solitude.

It peers around the corner to see if anyone is

watching, then joyfully dances around my heart

with its warmth and happiness and love...

and fills my mind with thoughts of 

possibilities

and

hopes

and

fun

and the joy of knowing you are 

living in the "sweet spot" where

God has ordained your life since before

you were born!

And I live in that ooey-gooey place,

picturing that life,

and laughing to myself.

Laughing at the insanity!

Laughing at the craziness!

But then,

surely it comes.

The dream-killing moment

when doubt creeps in

and turns off the dancing music.

Are you insane?

What is wrong with you?

It's too soon!

It's just too much!

Can't you just be happy with what you have?

What about money?

What about "things"?

And like a child caught playing

in the mud wearing her Sunday best...

shamefully, woefully

my little dream goes back into hiding.

Sadly, whimpering from the

encounter...

and a little more reluctant to come out again.

Our dreams don't always look the same. My relationship with Jesus tells me that my entire life is an offering... and on-going, life-long offering - for as long as He needs me. 

It's not about what the world, or friends, or family or strangers on the street SAY or THINK about my family

and how it is formed or how large it is... it is about following the leading of the Lord and being the person He created ME to be. That person has changed over the years, but that tiny dream was placed there before the foundations of the Earth were laid. On that given day when the idea of ME was created, the Lord knew the path my life would take and where He would lead me.

My dream, the place where I feel that the Lord has laid out for our family...

it doesn't look "normal" by American standards.

It doesn't look "safe".

It looks quite crazy

and really weird.

Which reminds me of  CS Lewis in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe:

'If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan 
without their knees knocking, they're either braver than me or else just silly.'
'Then he isn't safe?' asked Lucy.
'Safe?' said Mr. Beaver. 'Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? 
Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe.
 But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.'

For my Granny

If you are reading this

and your name is not

Granny

or 

Hanks

this post isn't for you.

(But you can still read it...

Granny is a good sharer.)

Here is your grandbaby...

whose name reminds you of

hearing Grandma Jackson 

fuss about pronouncing her own name...

and I apologize because we didn't know that

was her name when we picked it! Ha ha ha!

Here's that afro you requested!

Here's #5 along with a rare photo of our oldest!

 And here's #6... in the car... drinking juice.

6 was not in the mood for photos today. Sorry.

 And then this is what I found when I went in to put the baby to bed.

Someone had already put him in his bed 

to keep him confined...

and I guess he was really tired!

awww...... they are so peaceful when they are asleep!

 He loves his pillow pet you got him!

Isn't that sweet?

All better after her tonsils are gone!

Here's the baby... awake, and looking cute!

Okay... so that's about it!

I love you, Granny!

New Year's GOALS

I don't DO resolutions.

My thought process goes like this:

If I "resolve" to do something...

I am giving myself a new rule to follow.

Being a grown-up, strong-willed-child...

I know myself well enough to know that

I'm not going to follow some dumb rule I made up,

especially if I can justify why I don't need to!

Therefore...

I submit my

NEW YEAR GOALS!

These are absolutely NOT "resolutions".

1. Get a better laundry system in place.

2. Make sure the sink is clear before bed.

3. Learn to do corn rows or flat twists.

4. Get my children to help with household tasks.

5. Plant a garden.

6. Get a vehicle that will seat all of us.

7. I hesitate to say it... exercise. Not more, just begin.

8. Begin a journal of funny things, happy things, things that make me smile.

9. Implement family Bible study time.

10. Get back into my crazy couponing.

I think 10 is a nice round number and a good stopping place!

So there you have it!

My non-resolutions for the year!

On another note...

our littles have been home 5 months today!

In some ways it seems like that time has FLOWN by, 

but on other days... not so much.

I miss my travel group friends

and the amazing experience 

we had in Ethiopia.

I do NOT miss the stress

of being in the passenger seat

of a seemingly out-of-control process!

I plan to do a "6-month Check-up" post, 

since that is the seemingly "magical", red-circle date

on the calendar that marks the point when most people

have found their "new normal"

and everyone is all comfy in their new role and place in the family.

We shall just see about that!