I don't know what it is.
I don't know why, or rather... why me.
But over the past 2 years of my life, the Lord has broken my heart for His children all over the world.
They need a mommy. They need hugs and kisses and bandaids on barely-scratched owies. They need to play in bubble baths and tease their daddy and "can't-like-it-cantelope" but "love-it-pretzels!" They need to jump on the trampoline with the sprinkler spraying in their faces in the heat of July and take 15 minutes to get bundled up to go out in the snow for 5 minutes. Oh, my heart can't take it. It's just not okay with me that there are so many children out there waiting for what we have. I think about it and I get this pain in the pit of my chest like someone just punched me and knocked the air out of my lungs. It's just NOT okay.
And then I get scared and I say...
"Uhm... Lord? Hi. Yeah, remember last year when we brought home these adorable babies? That made 7 in our house. And, by the way... we don't exactly have unlimited space within these walls."
And he says...
"Whose children are they? Who gave you that house? Who gave you the heart that beats within your chest?"
And I say...
"I know. YOU did. It's all yours anyway...But..."
And He says...
"But? Really? Child, I put that heart inside YOU because I know YOU will live a life chasing after MY heart. I don't make mistakes."
And I...
I have nothing to say.
Because what can I say??
If the Lord put in my heart to be a mommy to kids who don't have anyone to tuck them in at night...
who am I to say "no thanks."?
What about our house? We don't have any more room! Well... I'm sure we could squeeze another bunk bed in here somewhere if we really wanted to.
What about finances? We probably won't ever be able to take big family vacations...buy cars for their 16th birthdays ... or pay for their full college tuitions... or have big elaborate East-Coast weddings... but imagine Thanksgiving at OUR house! I would trade every family vacation from here until forever if it meant we could be open to bringing more children into our family who need parents!
I don't know, dear bloggy friends...maybe I am insane.
Maybe I am misreading all of this and the whispers into my heart aren't saying "bring them home" as much as "help someone else figure it all out".
Maybe I'm wrong. I've been told that perhaps the calling I am hearing is to "JUST advocate for orphans."
But I doubt it. I will gladly shout from the rooftops about the immense need for families for children, gladly help walk anyone through the process to adopt a child, but I don't think that's the full extent of this "whisper" in my heart.
Or maybe, maybe, just MAYBE... Jesus calls crazy people because He knows that crazy stuff sounds normal to them!
I don't know why, or rather... why me.
But over the past 2 years of my life, the Lord has broken my heart for His children all over the world.
They need a mommy. They need hugs and kisses and bandaids on barely-scratched owies. They need to play in bubble baths and tease their daddy and "can't-like-it-cantelope" but "love-it-pretzels!" They need to jump on the trampoline with the sprinkler spraying in their faces in the heat of July and take 15 minutes to get bundled up to go out in the snow for 5 minutes. Oh, my heart can't take it. It's just not okay with me that there are so many children out there waiting for what we have. I think about it and I get this pain in the pit of my chest like someone just punched me and knocked the air out of my lungs. It's just NOT okay.
And then I get scared and I say...
"Uhm... Lord? Hi. Yeah, remember last year when we brought home these adorable babies? That made 7 in our house. And, by the way... we don't exactly have unlimited space within these walls."
And he says...
"Whose children are they? Who gave you that house? Who gave you the heart that beats within your chest?"
And I say...
"I know. YOU did. It's all yours anyway...But..."
And He says...
"But? Really? Child, I put that heart inside YOU because I know YOU will live a life chasing after MY heart. I don't make mistakes."
And I...
I have nothing to say.
Because what can I say??
If the Lord put in my heart to be a mommy to kids who don't have anyone to tuck them in at night...
who am I to say "no thanks."?
What about our house? We don't have any more room! Well... I'm sure we could squeeze another bunk bed in here somewhere if we really wanted to.
What about finances? We probably won't ever be able to take big family vacations...buy cars for their 16th birthdays ... or pay for their full college tuitions... or have big elaborate East-Coast weddings... but imagine Thanksgiving at OUR house! I would trade every family vacation from here until forever if it meant we could be open to bringing more children into our family who need parents!
I don't know, dear bloggy friends...maybe I am insane.
Maybe I am misreading all of this and the whispers into my heart aren't saying "bring them home" as much as "help someone else figure it all out".
Maybe I'm wrong. I've been told that perhaps the calling I am hearing is to "JUST advocate for orphans."
But I doubt it. I will gladly shout from the rooftops about the immense need for families for children, gladly help walk anyone through the process to adopt a child, but I don't think that's the full extent of this "whisper" in my heart.
Or maybe, maybe, just MAYBE... Jesus calls crazy people because He knows that crazy stuff sounds normal to them!
I don't think you sound crazy a bit! Of course, maybe that's because I got a big touch of the crazies myself? I've said it before, but the Baby Cakes Body Butter would make an amazing adoption fundraiser. Thinkaboutit!
ReplyDeleteChrissy, I always aooreciate the things you say - things like this that are on my heart too but I'm too chicken to say. I love your heart and the way God is using you. You are crazy.....crazy about following Jesus :-)
ReplyDeleteI asked the Lord to answer a very special prayer for me today. We have three bio. boys, just brought home a little girl from Ethiopia last year and we have said yes to adopting two sibling girls 12 and 13, both HIV Positive. And on top of it all we don't have a penny to do this adoption. We have no room in our house and I know people are going to think we have lost our minds. I prayed "Lord are we crazy? Are we being irresponsible? We will not be able to pay for their college. Then it hit me as I cried talking to my husband on the phone telling him all of this. I said you know what, maybe we are crazy, we won't be able to give them tons of materialistic crap, but we can feed them, we can clothe them, and we can love them like nobody's business. I know you were supposed to write this for us. Thanks so much. I have followed your blog for a while now. My name is Deanne Broscious. Our blog address is www.broscious.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteGod Bless You!!!!!!
be crazy! you are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI wish more people were as crazy as you!
ReplyDeleteYou inspire us all!!!
The only thing crazy is limiting God. :) But I am happy to hear that I am not the only one that strains to hear what God is saying and asks Him to repeat it over and over again in fear of getting it wrong. Wouldn't a burning bush or a bolt of lightning be nice? Why is it so hard to trust an almighty, all powerful, sovereign creator of the heavens and the earth? I am not asking these questions of you but of myself... but I suspect that you can relate.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are crazy about Jesus - you are a total challenge to me and I am GRATEFUL for your fearless, radical obediance. Bring It, Chrissy. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteLove your heart in this! I can hear it!
ReplyDeleteYES!! i have had these conversations with god through my entire life. I have always been called to be a mommy and adoption has been on myheart for a long time. I dont think its a coincidance that i fell upon your fb profile and later your blog. Your posts have helped answer ALOT of my questions and calm my feras and doubts. Thank you!
ReplyDelete