Tuesday, March 8, 2011

...And then I broke my toe.

So... if you read my blog yesterday ( Rocks and Rivers ) you know that it was all about faith, believing God, and remembering when He was faithful before so you can get through your hard times today.

Hee hee hee, ha ha ha, hoooo! You know what happens when you step out in faith?
You engage the enemy.
Oh, yes you do, dear baby cakes.

Here's how my day went on Sunday.
Let's call this "the REST of the story."

Sunday morning... hubby out of town for work...
whiney #3 since two sleepovers in two nights clearly leaves her with a sleep-deficit.
Making good time getting the little three ready to go... shoe drama ensues.
Had to do hair... times three... since I had taken out both little girls' styles Saturday night then ran out of time to re-do them.
Breakfast... donuts... clearly I was thinking time-saving over health-consciousness.
So far, so good.
Things are getting done...
everyone ready to go.
Walk into church a mildly-respectable 3 minutes late... heck, with 7 kids in tow... I think I deserve a 5 minute buffer on ALL appointments and scheduled events. Still... so far so good.

Got the kids to their classes and went into service for an awesome worship time... I love the many different musical talents at our church!

Sat down to peruse my newly purchased 3-ring binder for my church-note-taking and found an old bible study I wrote in one of my college classes on the Jordan River crossing. I LOVED that lesson. It's like my baby. I loved what the Lord taught me through that lesson, I loved the story I had never really known before... and I loved teaching it (hence the super long post yesterday).

Pastor stands up to teach... on the same passages! Yay! It was like a nice warm hug from Jesus! He knows I love that story.

Then it happened. I started getting this panicked feeling in my chest.
I kept feeling literally pushed out of my seat.
Distract and divert... frantic note taking...argue with the Holy Spirit in my head.

Prayer and response time comes.
More frantic panic in my heart...
suddenly, I realize I am walking to the front!
Too embarrassed to walk back to my seat (since clearly, everyone comes to church to see what crazy thing *I'm* going to do... right? No?? Hmm. Anyway...)...
I walk up to our pastor and my friend - Ridley and he gives me a hug. I say... "I have something to say."
I forced those words out like you would not believe.
He says "okay... to everyone?"
I said "Yes. I don't feel like I can... but I have something I need to say."
(makes my hands shake and I feel like throwing up just talking about it.)
He says, "Okay! Stay here!"

I think what he MEANT to say was "Crazy cakes, lets talk about this after the service. Let's pray about it for a month, and THEN if you want to say something... we will videotape it and edit it down into a minute or less and show it when it's convenient."

That was what I was hoping for I think.

So I waited there. Shaking.

He tells them all... "Chrissy has a word to share with us..." and motions for me to come up.

I'm not sure what I said...
something to the effect of
JUMP in the water if and when God calls because the beautiful stones he gives you as souvenirs? Well... they are WAY worth the fear it takes to step off of the cliff into the river!
Yes, darlings... I have the tendency to take a metaphor and run with it for miles and miles.

And then that was over.
WHEW!! THERE! There, God... I listened, okay??? Sheesh! Don't ask me to talk in front of people EVER. EVER. EVER. Again!! Okay? Please? Scary stuff... rambling in front of a crowd! Did I even make sense? What DID  I say? Did I really just call my babies "rocks"?

So... I gathered my 7 and got the HECK out of Dodge.

Went to my mom's house... ate lunch... had a nice time visiting. I am so thankful that we were able to move back "home" 3 years ago. I have missed being able to just "drop in" to visit my family! It does my heart good to see the littles with their grandparents! They are so LOVED and I just could never, ever, ever fathom that my family would/could accept these children the way that they have. SO incredibly thankful!!

So, we came home and had a nice, gloomy-day, restful time watching a movie on the couch while I re-read parts of my Tennessee gardening book my sister gave me a few years back! Dreaming of garden-fresh tomatoes in July... ahhhh!!

I spend a few moments encouraging some friends (online) with my sprinklets of "wisdom"... "Be STRONG and VERY courageous!" and I come up with this witty "Stick your toes in the river and start a rock collection!" that I then shared with some friends from church. Because I'm cool like that.

Well... it was a great day for me and Jesus.
We were talking, I was feeling encouraged....


I fully believe Hairy Butt (aka satan... my friend Lisa calls him that!) started whispering in my ear.
"You are SO stupid!"
"WHY would you go up front like that and then to ask to TALK? Out LOUD? You did nothing but ramble. White noise. That's what you were. White noise at the end of a perfectly good sermon. A distraction. A diversion. Laughable. And you embarrassed your friend, Ridley. You embarrassed yourself. Good thing your husband wasn't there... you would have embarrassed him too. Well... he will find out and he WILL be embarrassed. You should have just SAT THERE. Just listen. That's what you do in church. You listen. What do you have to offer anyway? Your perspective? Your thoughts? Your past? Your history? Really? You think anyone wants to hear what you have to say? How arrogant to think you could add anything to that message."

Oh yeah... I can be beaten down with the best of them.

And then, while carrying laundry out of my bedroom, I kicked the leg of a table barefooted.
And that's when I broke my toe.

Don't think I missed the irony.

Stick your toes in the water...
Jump in with both feet...
God wants you to stick that toe in the water first...
uh huh.
"Psst... P.S you crazy, pastor-embarrassing, lunatic... stick your toes ANYWHERE and pain follows."

Guess what??
I'm not listening.
Picture me with my fingers in my ears...
God is who HE says He is.
God can do what HE says He can do.
I AM WHO GOD says I am.
I can do ALL things through Christ.
God's word is alive and active in ME.
( I love you, Beth Moore...)

I don't listen to lies.
I don't believe I can't be used.
I don't believe I am an embarrassment.
I am adopted, redeemed, and worthy of love.
I am a child of the King.
I have a broken toe... not a broken heart.

And THAT'S the rest of the story.


  1. WOW. And remember- when you hear negative things, it's normally from Satan. Jesus Loves.

    Ironically, I've tried to post that comment twice. And oddly, my internet lost connection... twice. Doesn't normally happen. Lol.

  2. I thought you were fantastic and that it was very poignant and true and a tad bit directed at me...because EVEYTHING at church is directed at me, right??? I was not embarassed by or for you, however horrified that you got up and were talking in front of everyone! Eeeeek! It was from the heart and I think everyone needed to hear it....I know I did!

  3. Totally love you and your heart for Christ! I think your toe was broken because you were too busy kicking satan! HA THERE!!!!


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