Where have you BEEN!??

Oh, hi there!
This may have been the single longest blogging hiatus in my humble blogging history.
Sorry 'bout that!

July... we had an extra baby friend visiting while my friends were in Lithuania bringing home their newest baby boy! He was with us for 18 days and was absolutely the most adorable distraction to everything else I probably should have been doing!

Also in July we found a house to buy! As soon as my sweet baby friend's mommy and daddy came home we started packing and we moved August 2nd!

The first two weeks of August were unpacking here and cleaning/painting/repairing at the other house to get it on the market, which happened mid-month, and then in testimony to the amount of hours spent cleaning/painting/repairing at the old house... we were under contract in 11 days! Woohoooo!

Also noteworthy...
We (hello, my name is "We") started homeschooling.
(I'll give you a moment to address the irony of this while reminiscing over this post from last fall)
HOWEVER, I still totally stand by what I said in the original post. And I saw some of that from the homeschooling mom pages I'm on when school started back. "All of these moms celebrating that their kids are going back to school today... it's so sad how happy they are to just send them away!" HARSH! And GEEEEZ... I was a twinge jealous of those cute Pinterest-y chalk board first-day-of-school photos! AND, this year I would have just two kiddos at home during the day. Those grocery carts that look like race cars seat two kids. See how easy that would be?? Yeah. I GET IT! But, right now, this is the season we are in.

And, truth be told, it's slightly fun.
I may even be enjoying portions of this season.
                                                                 But don't tell anyone. 
...more on home school later.

So...our new house!
We bought 15 acres with a great house that was a foreclosure property... and with that got apple trees, blackberry bushes, walnut trees, a run-off pond, 14 Muscovy ducks and assorted critters that live in the woods! We also got mystery wiring, a few leaks, some drainage issues and vintage appliances!
But it's awesome and we love it.
We've already put up a tire swing and the trampoline, picked 150lbs of apples, gone shooting shotguns in the woods.

So, the baby duckling needed to be separated from the others.

 

S'mores... yummmm

Giant hydrangeas by the front door

Hiking in the backyard

Muscovy ducks

The kids found this cow bell and tag in the yard

Bringing some crushed moving boxes to the fire pit

Boys + fire

Boys + mud

Boys love turtles

Applesauce!

 

So... that's where I've been!
More updates and topical stuff soon!
-Chrissy

Being a chef's wife

My husband wished me a Happy Anniversary (on facebook...from out of town) by sharing this blog post written by a chef on "what you need to know before marrying a chef".

While I can definitely identify with a lot of what the chef/author said, there's quite a few benefits to being married to a chef that I'd like to point out... on our anniversary! (I love you, honey!)

• Two words: Burre Blanc. 

• No one else has three compartments in the fridge dedicated to strange looking jars of sauces "just in case the mood strikes" and someone really wants (for example) Vietnamese food tonight.Neighbor calls asking for hoisin sauce? Why of course! Black sesame seeds? Done.

• Him: "What are you in the mood to have for dinner?" Me: "Pteradactyl! Make it happen!"  Him: "Second choice?" Me: "Something that I want." .......And every single time this happens- it's always exactly what I didn't know that I wanted. 

•  It's a major benefit to have someone around who can dice an onion in like 3 seconds...and doesn't mind doing it.

• I can text or call when he's at work to ask super important stuff like "does millet have gluten?" (no) or "how many minutes on these boiled eggs?" and he always has the answer. Faster than google. (okay, maybe not faster than google... but more reliable than clicking through results.)

• He's used to cooking for a bazillion people so he has taught me how to think more like a chef in cooking large quantities of things. I was still buying the little cans of tuna until he showed me where they have the giant ones! He also was the first to buy the 40lb bag of brown rice and convinced me to buy fruit by the case from our local co-op. 

• Yes, sometimes my favorite nutmeg grater disappears when he's doing a competition somewhere... but we do have more kitchen gadgets than a small gourmet shop. I have 4 sizes of ice cream scoops, two types of microplanes, multiple cheese slicers, spatulas in every size and material... and a lot of things I don't know how to use.

• When he complements my dinner, it's a REAL complement! He's got a dozen initials after his name, judges other professionals, certifies new chefs... and so when he sincerely tells me something I made is really good, those are the complements that really matter!

• He may see no problem with the super expensive cheese or dry-aged-for-longer-than-makes-sense-to-my-brain cut of beef... but he can also take a few leftover chicken thighs, some random condiments and whatever is in the pantry and make lunch for all the kids with some kind of leftovers to put in the freezer for another night. I see "we have nothing to eat here..." he sees "Mystery Basket!"

 So, yes... being married to a chef means lots of nights alone, permanent markers in the washing machine, criticism on how you store items in the fridge, no offers from friends to come over for dinner, and being given bites of food and told "just taste it... don't worry about what it is"....
but they are passionate, artistic, creative and driven. They see solutions. They can tell sole from flounder, fresh from frozen and point out menu errors for sport. They tell great war stories about a super busy night, that lady who ordered the well-done filet, or the myth of the 40-hour work week, and wake up saying "I just dreamed my next menu item!"

I've been blessed to be married to an amazing man who happens to be not only an awesome husband, friend and father to a dozen kids who think he hung the moon... but he's also a chef, and a really good one, and I'm very thankful that he chose me!

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart! I love you!

The magic of the one-year mark

If you adopt a child you'll hear "just wait until it's been a year..." or "you won't really find your new 'normal' until one year at home" or "all of this stuff will be a distant memory once you hit the one-year mark."

Oh, the hype.

Let me clear something up for you, sweet unsuspecting momma.

There is nothing magical about hitting that circled date on the calendar except that you survived and everyone survived along with you.

At the one-year point your child (consciously or not) may remember the year before, the trauma that happened, the loss... and grieve again.

At the one-year point you may be disappointed in your level of attachment. Them to you, or you to them.

At the one-year point you may be still struggling with lies, sneakiness, language barriers, trust issues and resentments.

At the one-year point you may still be grieving the life you had before.

At the one-year point you may believe the lie that "this is as good as it will ever get between us"... and it may be your marriage you're talking about.

At the one-year point you may be struggling more than you were at the one-month point and feel like a failure.

At the one-year point you may still be "one day at a time" surviving.

And it's okay.
It IS normal.
It will get better.
It may not ever look like you thought it would... but it can be beautiful in a different way.
This is not the end of the story. The story isn't over until the day you meet Jesus.

It's called being a parent. Parenting is sacrifice. Not in the "ohhh look what awesome people we are for our huuuuge sacrifice" sort of way, but in the daily "this sucks but I'm doing it anyway because I know what's right" kind of way. Every time you respond with patience and kindness when every fiber of your being wants to snap and look like a guest on Maury Povich... you've sacrificed. You've grown a tiny bit and you're becoming better. Every time you look up, give your full attention and don't send the child away but listen to the story about the pretzel that looked like an A or a V depending on the way you turn it... you've made progress. You're getting there. You're doing it. Bit by bit. Day by day. Moment by moment. And you're succeeding!

It's been one year since we brought our 5 home and yes, there are still struggles! Yes, we love our family! Yes, I still snap and freak out when someone uses the wrong verb then makes it plural. Yes, I fail and toss and turn at night thinking about how my children will only ever remember me losing my junk over the 15th spilled drink of the night or the time I wore noise-cancelling headphones while eating dinner because they could NOT for the sake of their lives and mine use their inside voices.

But then I have little successes:
a boy comes all the way back inside to give me a hug before school because he forgot;

one tells a sister to 'go get mom to help you' instead of being the parent this time;
"Mom! Did you see me?!" and I did.

And I realize... we're doing it.

It may not be magical at the one-year point... but I'm here to tell you that the 2 year mark is coming. Then the 3-year. Then the point will someday come when your child has been in your family more than they ever weren't... and THAT is magical.
No, that's redemption.

When you're 15

My very first little girl is 15 today!

It doesn't quite seem possible...

seeing as how there's no way 

I'm old enough to have two teenagers..!

(humor me)

Dear sweet daughter,

I thought about what to write for your birthday. I thought about being all sappy and sentimental.

I thought about reminiscing about all the birthdays before today. I thought about telling the world some of the funny things you've done/said/written. I thought about just posting that picture of you covered in mud from Sunday. (I reserve the right to post it here further down the page.)

Ultimately, I decided that I'd like to share with you the things I hope for your future.

A Mommy's Fifteen Wishes for her Baby Girl on her Fifteenth Birthday!

1. Friends. I hope you have a couple of good friends. The kind that call you out on things that aren't right, support you when the whole world tells you "you can't", cry with you and make you laugh and spit liquids out of your nose. 

2. Selective Hearing. I wish I could sit on your shoulder and whisper in your ear every time someone says something unkind, untrue, unwholesome or hurtful. I would whisper truths - you are good, you are kind, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you are wonderful. 

3. Childhood. I wish for you to slow things down, enjoy the simple things, enjoy being a kid a little while longer. Twirl in your dresses, sit in your blanket fort and color, sleep with your blankie. These things go by so fast but they don't have to be gone just yet. 

4. Silliness. You have such a great sense of humor... don't ever lose that! The hardest things in life are lightened up with laughter! Spend some time being silly, practice laughing at yourself, and don't take life too seriously. 

5. Safety. Listen to the still, small voice in your spirit... the one that tells you to freeze right where you are, or leave right away. Trust it. Obey it. And keep your phone in your purse in the back seat when you finally get to drive a car. 

6. Direction. Like a compass that always points north, I wish for you a lifetime spent seeking after the heart of Jesus. Let Him be your North and all of the decisions you need to make will be easier because you know which way you are heading. 

7. Comfort. I wish for you to be comfortable in your own skin and comfortable with who you are. You are beautiful. Your heart is kind. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

8. Smile. You have such a beautiful smile! I hope you can be the type of young adult who has a happy heart and brings joy to those around you (and skip the moody/brooding/dark/emo years. Please.)

9. Clarity. I hope you see through the fog of this world and are able to simply see the right way to go. I pray you don't get bogged down sifting through the shiny new offerings the world wants to distract you with, and that you can always tell the fools gold from the real thing.

10. Modesty. I know it's hard in our society... but I wish for you to value yourself and your future husband so much that you dress the way you'd want other women to dress around him.

11. Independence. I hope you grow up to be the type of woman who can change her flat tire AND make homemade bread with dinner. A woman who can install a ceiling fan AND walk in heels. Not that you "don't need a man" but that your need for him is more than just what he can do around the house.

12. Travel. Go - see stuff! Swim with dolphins, climb mountains, hike trails, feed the hungry, bandage the wounded, pray with the oppressed... then come home. Because I'd miss you if you were gone for very long.

13. Siblings. Yeah, you figured I'd throw this in... but I wish for you to have a great relationship with them (yes, all of them... even the teen boy and pre-teen girl). You have an amazing gift in having so many brothers and sisters. You will always have family. You will always have nieces and nephews. You will be someone's favorite Aunt. You will always have a place to go for holidays and you will always have someone who is willing to drive to wherever you are just to sit with you when you're facing something hard. Don't squander your gift.

14. Saving. Save money for a rainy day, save notes, save journals, save ticket stubs and mementos. Save time for what's important, save your wisdom for those who ask for it, save your love for the one who deserves it.

15. Love. Oh, yes, baby girl... I wish for you to find love some day. But right now, fall in love with the One who IS Love. Let Him show you what it is to be loved and what love should look like. Don't fall for the lies of this world, for the infatuations and the crushes. Wait and see... wait and be sure... because I've been praying for the one man God has for you for your someday! I've been praying for him since you were a baby. He's going to be something special. He will be patient and kind, strong and sincere, romantic and smart, wise and discerning. He will be enthralled with your beauty and you will be his treasure. Dad and I - we want only who is right for you. Trust us in this. We love you too much to trust you to anyone but the one God has in store for you.

So, sweet baby girl... this is my list of hopes, dreams, wishes and prayers for you on your 15th birthday! I'm so proud of you you are, who you are becoming, and who you hope to someday be. You are amazing. You are lovely. You are my treasure and I'm so thankful you are mine!

Happy Birthday! 

Love,

Mom

 

Women of Planks

This is one that's been rolling around in my head for quite some time now.

I've noticed that online, in print, and on social media outlets people have lost all decorum and sense of self-control. They no longer think about who they hurt with their words and instead just go all-out vigilante on whoever they think is doing wrong in the world at the moment.

The one that really got to me recently was a series of posts by a friend who is a pro-life activist in her area.

Now, before you start heading for the "x" button to get the heck out of this blog post ASAP... hear me out.

I'm pro-adoption, pro-babies, pro-mommies, pro-people.
I'm pro-making good choices and I'm pro-marriage. I'm pro-waiting. I'm pro-choosing what's best for another even if it hurts you personally. I'm pro-loving people who don't think like me. I'm pro-Jesus and I think he's anti-hate.

When I scrolled through some pictures from a church event at a pro-life rally recently I noticed SO much hate. So much looking-down-our-noses at those who would/are/did choose abortion. I saw fear and hate and guilt and disgust and pride and ickyness. I saw the clear absence of Jesus. I saw name-calling and condescending terminology. I saw Christians acting like Pharisees. I saw Godly women with plank-filled eyeballs calling out others' sins in disgust. I wanted to puke. Then sob in a corner.
Because, people... this is NOT what Jesus would do. I've yet to find one reference in scripture to Jesus blasting someone's sins with hate mail or wearing an outer-garment emblazoned with "babies>murder". I've yet to find him not reaching down to touch the hand of the broken, healing the wounded, and comforting the mourning soul. I've yet to find him preaching via sign-on-a-stick.

The pro-lifer's call it "going to march at the abortuary" or "murder office"... pro-choicer's call the pro-lifers "forced birthers" and say they "seethe with hatred and disgust while preaching about God's laws".

Am I saying don't be active with causes you feel strongly about? Absolutely not.
What I AM saying...

Choose life, yes. But choose LOVE in how you speak.
Choose to help, not to hurt.
Choose to support, not to shame.
Choose to love, not to hate.
Choose to empower, not to fear.
Speak kindness and love and compassion over those who are fearful.
Speak kindness and love and compassion over those who are ashamed.
Speak kindness and love and compassion over those who feel stuck.

And put down your freaking signs.
They are disgusting.

If you MUST carry a sign, carry a sign that simply says "Please, don't."
Carry a sign that says "I'll help."
Carry a sign that says "Signs hurt, Jesus heals."
And then carry plentiful hugs, smiles, compassion and tears.
Consider their sins no worse than your own.
Consider if this was your daughter, or sister, or neighbor or best friend.
Consider your greatest failures on display for all to see... then trying to hide from the fear and shame...
but instead you are doubly shamed by those who were commissioned to love you.

Shame on us for ever looking down on another in disgust.
Shame on us for using our "christianity" to bring condemnation on another.

*EDITED TO SAY**
Thank you sweet friends who are concerned about my stance on abortion. I'm pro-life, but pro-ALL-life. I think that with as much passion as we have for the unborn, we should love the already-born. I think pro-lifers should be pro-adoption. They should be pro-teen mothers and pro-incarcerated mothers and pro-homeless mothers. We should love others the way we've been loved. And if love is the ultimate way we can BE Jesus... we should love that way and I don't think that way includes being hateful. Yes, pray. Yes, discussions in love. Yes, march on Washington. NO hateful, shameful, angry signs written to the women visiting the clinic.
I hope that clears up my position. :)